Nikita

"Niki, stop. We're here because we care, and we want you to be okay. Tendering your resignation is just proving that you want to run away, but Nikita, how long will you keep running? How long before this shit catches up with you? How long, brother?" Qiao asks, and I scoff at his voice.

He sounds so fragile like he's scared of my reaction. The man has fought for Russia in the military wars and came back home a victor, and now he's scared of what I will say to him. Oh, how emotional attachments ruin us.

However, I don't tell him that because I can tell he truly is worried. The director and Maggie look at me like I need protection from myself, but then we all already know that. I want to lie to them and tell them I'll be okay, but my mind is made up.

I'm not staying in Todorov come what may. If they want me, then they'll have to go after me because me and Todorov, we're done. I know it makes me look like a coward, but I'd rather be a coward and alive than a brave fool who will die soon enough. 

"I know you're all worried about me, but you don't need to be. I'm doing okay. Everything is running smoothly, and if you ask me, the only thing that could worry me at the moment is me missing my surgery appointment—" I say, but the director stops me.

"You have to surgeries scheduled for a week," he says, and I get up, punching the table while looking at her angrily. Surely she can't do this to me, no?

What the hell is wrong with her? I've been a doctor all my life, and the surgical room is my most extraordinary haven, and now she wants to take that too?

Qiao's team makes a move to try and stop me, but he tells them to back off. At least one of us is using our brains in this room.

"Why the fuċk would you even do that? Haven't I been an efficient doctor? Oh, c'mon, tell me why you're dismissing me from the operations rooms. What the fuċk am I supposed to be doing during that time?

You can't really be serious," I complain and wait for her to tell me she'll reconsider, but one look at her, and I know her mind is made up. What the hell? I wonder what I need to do to convince her.

I look at Maggie to ask for help. She knows I love the operating room more than anything and must surely understand how hard it will be for me to stay put without my tools. However, this time, Maggie seems to be agreeing with her too.

Even the one I trusted to support me is against me. They can all get out then because I don't see the pot of them being here.

"And you're not allowed on the hospital premises for that week," the director adds like she didn't just already break my heart. Her statement makes me choke on air, and I look at them all... They have betrayed me and my trust. They all know this is my safe space, and now they want me out? Is it because— 

"Is this because of my resignation letter? I'm not taking it back. You have to approve it, and if this is your way of getting me to stay, then I have to tell you that I won't. I have nothing here, and you can't stop me from doing the one thing I love the most.

When the fuċk did this even be okay?" I ask and pause, realizing they are all staring at me. I just finished my rant, though it kinda feels incomplete, but that doesn't matter because they are all against me. Why would they do this to me?

"No, Mykolajki. This is about your mindful wellness—" the director says, and I swear I've had rough of this woman yipping and yapping.

What even gives her the authority to do that to me?

On what grounds does she get to decide whether I can stay and all this shit about mindful wellness?

My mental health is as refined as it would ever be. I tell myself, but they could be right. Maybe I am compromised, but couldn't they tell me more nicely?

"Get out," I say coldly, getting everyone's attention on me like they haven't been staring at the pen in my hands carefully. Do they really think I would stab them with it? Or maybe I should test that hypothesis because, frankly, they are really testing my patience right now.

"What?" Maggie asks, and I look at her, my face clear of emotions, even though it hurts that I have to tell her to give me space. However, I also know she understands the state I am in at the moment.

She shows me more than I know myself, so she looks at the director, who is still looking at me with her jaw on the floor. I guess she didn't think I would tell that to her, but what the fuċk did she expect me to do?

Dance the fuċkɨnġ Christmas carols with her? Then she must be dreaming, she just wrote my fate in stone, and I know if I don't stay in Todorov to process my resignation, it will taint my reputation and, in return, taint that of my family.

My parents, my siblings. Fuck all of these people in here for putting me in such a position. The director still doesn't believe that I kicked her out of my office with all the teams in her, but right now, I couldn't give a shit about what is happening to anyone in here.

"Let's go," Qiao says, and I'm thankful. He understands, and he knows how I feel, and I believe he's letting me off easy because he knows when I get out of this hospital, I'll be heading to his place, my second comfort place.

I need to get a grip of myself, but what is there for me to hold on to? Slowly they leave, with Qiao giving me looks that tell me this isn't over, but we can figure that out later.. For now, I just want to be alone with my thoughts.