Not So Confident

{Warning: Read with caution}

"Is this really okay, CEO Huo?" Secretary Lim asked.

So to speak, Secretary Lim was worried. Now that Yi Fei was actually recognized as a trainee though unofficial, Yi Fei was now under Top Management Agency. Secretary Lim didn't think Yi Fei was up to it more or less, not to mention that her parents might disagree with Yi Fei's choice of career.

"Yes, Secretary Lim," Owner Huo grinned, handing her the contract. "She is more of an experiment for our agency. I'm not that dumb to just get a run-of-the-mill girl and just accept her as a trainee. She's special, she has unique qualities that other typical idols don't have. Whether that becomes her steps or her downfall... is all up to the public."

Secretary Lim shook her head in amus.e.m.e.nt, "You are one sly guy."

"Yes, and you love me for it." Owner Huo turned his head towards her and jokingly winked.

--Meanwhile

Yi Fei walked back home since her place wasn't far from the agency. Thinking of what her father might say if she even brought up being an idol negatively affected her mood. Thankfully, she didn't need to worry about the school calling about her absence because her father always came home late and the school always calls around 5 p.m. Knowing her brother, he always came around 5:30 p.m.

Yi Fei glanced at her Nokia phone, "4:43."

When Yi Fei got home, she immediately breathe a drained sigh. It was a long day, longer than any day. Especially after yesterday being...

Yi Fei quietly mumbled under her breath, "Yesterday being... Mom's birthday."

Yi Fei slowly pulled off her brown shoes and neatly put them on the wooden shoe rack. The smell of a home was plain and ordinary, but it was home. But Yi Fei didn't feel like she belonged. With each step taken was a burdensome feeling of guilt. She reached the landline phone, firmly pulling its plug.

The feeling inside of Yi Fei was indescribable. Was it guilt? Loneliness? Despair?

"Mom... wouldn't have liked this." Yi Fei uttered. "Mom... I'm a bad girl... Right? I shouldn't have been born... right?"

Silence filled the desolate air. Did Yi Fei expect a reply?

"My whole existence was just pain for you... huh? Really... really pain for the whole family. Whole neighborhood. Whole school... Right? I'm sorry I was born... I'm sorry I was the one that came into the world. I'm sorry that I am this dumb, ugly girl with nothing. I'm sorry I can't be anything more than luggage. I'm sorry I was born..."

Each word made Yi Fei's heart bled, but she knew it was the truth. Her existence was only burdening others... and she could do nothing but be sorry. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.

"F*ck! I can't do anything but be f*cking sorry 'cuz I'm a f*cking useless dumb piece of sh*t!"

Before Yi Fei knew it, tears started streaming down her face. Her face became unsightly, monstrous. Her mouth wanted to open itself up and start screaming on top of her lungs. It wanted to scream out all the hurt, all the pain. She harshly bit down her lip to stop herself and reverted to punching the wall instead. She punched the wall with all her might, hoping that the internal torment would go away. No, she didn't even wish for that. She just hoped that the abuse from her punches hurted more. But it didn't, it just got worse. Yi Fei's head started to feel like splitting, making her feel dizzy and confused. But, she persisted. Persisted on crying, on regret, on grief.

"I'm sorry, Mom... I'm really sorry."

Her face was covered with runny snot and salty tears as she cried out.