Office Diaries

Alex was having an affair!

Ashley's face crumpled in her agony; her heart squeezed painfully in her c.h.e.s.t. She bit her lip as she recalled when Alex arrived early in the morning. If her fiancé came home smelling like alcohol that first night, early this morning, he came home smelling like something else.

Soap.

It was as if Alex took a bath before coming home from wherever he'd been the night before until three in the morning.

Could it be?

Could Alex really be with someone else last night? It's possible…

The thought of someone else with her lover sent a new wave of despair washing over her. She slowly slid on the tiled floor, feeling weak as she continued to cry silently.

"What to do?" Her worst fear seemed to have come true and two days before her wedding at that. "What to do?" she asked again. She was at a complete loss.

Two years ago, she accepted Alex in her life with a warning to herself not to invest all her emotions knowing her lover's background and history. She told herself that as soon as Alex showed signs that he was reverting to his old ways, Ash would leave him. She didn't love him – told herself not to love him much anyway.

But it's not the case anymore.

Unlike two years ago, there was no way Ashley could ever leave Alex now. She was too much in love – too much in need of him.

She couldn't bear to confront him either. Ash wouldn't be able to take it if Alex told her that it was over between them.

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Alex puffed his cheeks, grinned and shook his head as soon as the call ended. His mother was getting hysterical again over some wedding details that it was totally hilarious as well as exasperating, and he was finally regretting his decision to let her take over the preparations. At first, it was okay since he was an only child and Ash's parents were absent. The two of them welcomed Mrs. Li's help.

But he didn't expect his mother to go nuts over the wedding.

Last night, he went to his parents' to calm his frantic mother down. Mrs. Li was going crazy over the event and had demanded that Alex and Ash show up to discuss the details again. This time, she wanted them to finalize the menu and seating arrangement at the presidential table again.

He, on the other hand, knew that Ash had been exhausted with office work since they had so many things to finish too before their big day and so he went alone – and glad that he did. If he took Ash with him, his fiancée would have gone insane with his mother's redundant questions and worries. God knew if she wasn't his mother and if it weren't his wedding his mother was going crazy over, Alex wouldn't have gone either.

He stayed at his parents' to humor his mother's wishes until two in the morning. By that time, he felt too stuffy and haggard that he took a shower before coming home to Ash.

But now, his mother wanted their audience again and had insisted that he brought Ash with him. They'd meet up at his parents' favorite restaurant, the usual place they met up on weekends. He just hoped that Ashley was up to it.

Walking outside the bedroom, Alex found Ash in the living room staring at the TV but it was obvious that she wasn't really paying attention to the show. With a frown, he walked towards his lover and noted her tear-stained face.

"What's wrong?" he asked which startled the other, quickly wiping her face and putting on a nervous smile.

"Nothing, just the show," she said, though it was an obvious lie since the TV was showing some dumb cartoons and not drama.

Alex didn't press on however and changed the topic.

"Honey, do you want to go somewhere today?" he inquired and he could see Ash turning pale as she shook her head.

"Are you sure you're alright?" he asked worriedly as he sat next to her.

He pulled her close to his body as he did. As their wedding drew near, Alex could feel his fiancée seemed to be slipping farther and farther from him. The distance didn't sit well with the frustrated groom. When Ash tensed upon his touch, Alex felt pain in his heart, his insecurities coming to the surface.

Ash never said she loved him. If his lover seemed to hate his touch too then what would become of them when they get married?

"Ash…" Swallowing hard, Alex asked the question he feared to hear the answer the most. "Don't you want me anymore? Is that why you're acting like this?"

His question elicited a gasp from her. Ash turned to him with wild eyes, her hazel orbs filling with moisture as she stared at him accusingly.

"What are you saying? Am I not getting married to you?" she countered and Alex turned his face away.

"I just want to know. You never respond when I tell you I love you. Lately, you don't seem to welcome my touch anymore either."

Standing up, Alex smiled sadly. His eyes filled with moisture themselves and he swallowed hard.

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'm asking you this because I just want to make sure. I know I was the one who forced you to be in this relationship at first and it's kind of too late to be feeling this way now. I know initially, you hated what I used to be. But Ash, I have you now. Ever since we've been together, I only have you. How much longer should I wait before you deem me qualified to have all of you?"

"What are you saying?" Ash asked back, her own insecurities coming out.

She couldn't understand why he was saying these things. Her fears surfaced that she wanted to lash out.

"You're the one who couldn't give all yourself to me," she continued accusingly remembering the phone call. She wasn't the only one in his heart and it enraged her as much as it hurt her.

"I don't understand," Alex answered as he searched his lover's face.

Ashley was crying now and she looked like she really had something against him which he couldn't comprehend.

"What's on your mind?" he asked and when it looked like she wouldn't tell him, he got angry.

Very angry.

"Don't stop now. I don't understand. Tell me what you're thinking," Alex told his lover who turned away from him. "What do you mean by me not giving my all?" he demanded again, his voice low, obviously trying to control his rage boiling just beneath the surface. "Tell me now!"

"You're having an affair!" Ash screamed back at him and Alex blinked several times in shock.

"I'm…what?" he asked weakly as he searched her tearstained face.

"You're having an affair. You've been going out a lot. You've been going home late. You're even having secret phone calls – I heard you flirting on the phone just a while ago," Ash added which dumbfounded her fiancé.

"You…" Alex was at a loss for words.

He raked his hair with his fingers in frustration as he tried to absorb her words.

"What the hell are you talking about? If you remember, I didn't want to go out with my friends. You were the one who made me go out," he pointed out and Ash flinched as if struck. "I go home late every day lately because mom wanted us to discuss the wedding details over and over. I just didn't bring you with me because we had tons of work at the office and you've been very tired lately."

When Ashley's eyes widened, Alex's jaws clenched.

"That's right. I was at my parents' house choosing china, and food, and wine and other gazillion things we need for Tuesday."

"But the phone call…" Ashley's voice trailed off as Alex fished his cellphone from his pocket and threw it on the sofa next to her.

"Check it," he ordered and when Ash seemed reluctant to do so, he repeated his order. "Check it and see for yourself!"

With trembling hands, Ash took the phone and click on the call history. "MOM," was the latest call and she frowned as she scrolled down and all she ever saw were familiar numbers – mostly hers, Ashley's.

"You called your mom," she said in wonder noting the time of the call which matched the time she overheard her lover's conversation.

Ash misunderstood. The person Alex said I love you to was his mother. Feeling ashamed of herself, she bowed her head. Alex, on the other hand, wasn't finished.

"You…you're never going to forgive me for what I used to be," he stated in resignation with a smile filled with heartbreak, and Ash lifted her head, her lips opening to protest but Alex waved her off. "It's okay. I guess it's really my fault. If I didn't have any proof, I guess you won't believe me."

"That's not true!" Ash protested now.

She didn't want Alex to think that but bit her lips since it was a lie. A part of her still feared Alex didn't change, and she couldn't change either because of it.