Painting Clovers

It still haunts me, it forever will. I knew I would never forget that sound, even if I lived a hundred lives.

I didn't want to go in, I wanted to see her but I didn't think I could. I felt like as long as I don't see her that way I can pretend like it didn't happen. But I knew I had to do it, I had to go in. If not for Lena, at least I should for Liam.

The moment they removed the sheet that covered her face, Liam broke down. He sobbed, he weep, he wailed. I stood there dumbfounded, watching them. It was his cries that rang in my head. It broke my heart, it broke me. Hearing the pain, the heartbreak in his voice, my eyes could no longer hold the tears that streamed down my face.

I don't know how long we stayed there, with Liam and I hugging Lena, her body. Liam cried until there were no more tears, until he had no more voice.

==

"Darling, come on."

I looked up from my trance, and was met by my face in the mirror. My mother put her arms around me. "It's time to go."

My mother arrived just a few hours ago, I haven't even spoken to her properly yet. I didn't know what to tell her anyway. She understood, she was there to comfort me.

I mustered all my energy to get myself to stand up. I can't take it, tears threatened to fall but I pushed it back. I followed my mom out of the room, out of the hotel where all the staff watched me, they were all wearing black I noted, I avoided their eyes, I hated the way they looked at me. With concern, so much concern, and pity. I quickly got in the car that was waiting at the front of the hotel, trying to get away from their gaze.

==

We made our way to the front, Liam greeted me and introduced me to some relatives, they all hugged me and thanked me, I wondered what for, but I just didn't have the energy and strength to even ask. I looked at their eyes searching for something, though beautiful, none of their eyes were like Lena's. They ranged from green to brown, no one even close to Lena and Liam's.

==

"It's pretty rare. Aside from me and Liam, my great grand mother and her great great grandfather are the only ones to have them in our family." I remember Lena telling me once when I commented on her eyes.

"Yeah, I googled it, apparently it's the rarest color." I can't help but stare at them.

"You googled it?" She tilted her head, one eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, I thought maybe you were some sort of mystical creature or something." I joked.

Lena laughed, hitting me lightly in the shoulders.

==

Her laughter echoed in my head, I can't believe that was just days ago. Not even a month has passed since I met her. How could life change so much in such a short period of time?

Lester was already sitting in the second row, I sat beside him and he nodded. His eyes were swollen, dark circles under his lids. I took a deep breathe.

It was three days after the accident and we are already burying her. It felt like so many things happening at once, I couldn't catch up, the world is spinning, and I just spin with it, I can't stop spinning. All I could do is sit there and look at her face. I recognized the picture, I took it. It was around our second week together, Lester and I was hanging out with her. We wanted to help her paint but all we really did was make a mess, Lena didn't mind though, she just laughed. She gave us our own section of the wall to paint but we all knew she just didn't want us to mess with her work. We ended up running around in that room painting each other, we played UNO and the loser will get painted on. After the game, the person that is most covered in paint has to go buy food at the restaurant without cleaning up. I lost. It was really embarrassing to have so many people look at you like you were some weirdo. It was a great day, later that night I watched Lena paint a frame surrounding my and Lesters' painting.

I smiled sadly at the picture in front, at her face smiling brightly at me. Angel, what do I do now?

At the end of the service we stood around as they lowered her coffin. I watched as the love of my life went further and further down, away from me. I wanted to jump, to follow, didn't I promise I would follow you everywhere? Lena, can you forgive me if I did?

I heard my mother sniff beside me and that pulled me out of the dark thoughts I was having. I silently apologized to her in my head, I couldn't do that to her, I can't leave her.

==

We stood at the entrance of the hotel. I looked around the large lobby, I looked at the grand piano on the corner, the low-hanging chandelier that reminds me of The Phantom of the Opera, the reception at the end. I remember this is where I first saw her, she was asking for an extension to finish painting, I remember she sounded sad that day. I took one last look around the lobby, there are no murals on the wall, this was supposed to be her major project. She didn't even get to finish it. I wiped away the tear that fell and with a sigh I turned my back on the hotel.

"Thank you for everything." Liam hugged me gently.

"I didn't do anything." I answered patting his back.

"You did. You did so much. At least I know she was happy on her last days…" Liam said the last words so quietly I almost didn't hear it. I understood, I'm having a hard time accepting it too.

"She made me happy too."

Liam nodded and sniffed, laughing lightly.

"Here." I handed him the book I was holding.

His eyes looked confused until he opened the book, then they started tearing up. It was a collection of photos that I took of Lena's painting, during the weeks I've stayed at the hotel I've been taking pictures of all the rooms. I even got the staff to help me out, they notified me when a room is empty so I can take pictures before the next guess could check in. This was supposed to be a surprise for Lena, for when she finished everything. Liam flipped through the pages without saying a word. When he reached the end he looked up at me, silent tears were falling down his face. He didn't say anything but his eyes conveyed how thankful he was.

I handed him a small flash drive. "This are all the soft copies. There are some pictures of her too."

He just nodded and took it, holding it gently.

After a final hug, I got in the waiting car. Liam bent to wave a goodbye to Lester and we were on our way.