Silent Confession

Ch.23 – If it was possible to choose

 Zhou MuHui thought he could be delivered, along with her death.

           But he actually did not.

           From time to time, he will still be startled, and will unconsciously look for her.

           They actually don’t seem to have any emotional bond between them, when he just came out from jail, he was even a stranger to his mother.

           They only met a few times during these seven years, at first she came diligently, then less after that, from once every few months, it gradually became once every six months, once a year, in the later years, Zhou MuHui counted many times, only did he realized that she only came one.

           Maybe because she hated him, Zhou MuHui lowered his head and thought.

           Anyway, from childhood, she never really cared about Zhou MuHui.

           Zhou MuHui also didn’t really want to see her that much, he always told himself that, but when he saw her hunched back outside the jail’s entrance, his heart still quivered. Zhou MuHui thought, it seemed that he hadn’t seen her for three years, how come she aged so much at once. 

           She didn’t have the cowardice she had back then, she stumbled over to look at him, but didn’t say a single word, opened her mouth and cried. Zhou MuHui at that time thought, his plan might have been messed up, and maybe he could still have a family member.

           Also his single family member. 

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           He came from a normal household, normal to the point that hitting and scolding was something regular, his mom was the one who was beaten when he was little, and it became him after he grew up a little, Zhou MuHui never thought about why, only staying quiet and quiet, then revolted.

           Then getting suppressed.

           After all, his mom refused to divorce that man.

           Just like the epitome of a woman who is oppressed, only telling him to be more obedient, and not make his dad angry.

           Zhou MuHui coldly looked at her, then quietly lay back in his bed.

           He was studying, he has written his homework till the third page of the book, when his father came home carrying the smell of alcohol on him, breaking the alcohol bottles in the living room, shouting angrily, Zhou MuHui heard his mother who originally was hidden away run out again, just like a rabbit that was trembling under an eagle, approaching in fear, and violently flogged.

vThen Zhou MuHui opened the door.

           Zhou MuHui was very clear-headed, if he didn’t go to help her share it, the man would even hit her to death.

           After all, she was almost strangled to death by the other party. 

           Thus Zhou MuHui went back with his body full of bruises.

           His back was scratched open by the broken glass beer bottle, he was lying on the floor, almost unconscious, but the other party still did not loosen his grip, Zhou MuHui heard his mother cry, but she couldn’t do anything, they couldn’t win over him.

           Zhou MuHui was only thirteen years old, still unable to struggle against a full fledged adult. 

           She was crying with trembling hands, she moved Zhou MuHui onto the bed with great effort, then helped him clean it, and fed him some regular anti-inflammatory medicine.

           She didn’t dare to bring Zhou MuHui to the hospital, because the doctors would help them to call the police, then would admonish him in a symbolic way, his biological father would be easy to talk to, and say that he was just too angry for a moment, he would surely pay more attention in the future.

           Then suddenly pulled a long face after the door had closed, lifted the stool at one side and smashed it on Zhou MuHui.  

           His mother, cowardly, and timid, did not have the guts to agree to report it to the police.

           Only Zhou MuHui would do it.

           When he was little, he knew to go to the police station, taking advantage of the fact that he wasn’t home to install cameras, recording the menace and wicked words he had said. 

           To have his father arrested.

           Then to the mother who was occasionally gentle to him, confessed it all.

           She is a weak and kind-hearted person, a little bit of sweetness is enough to move her, Zhou MuHui often endured his biological father’s madness, and still has to hide from his mother’s betrayal. 

           Even if that man calls him a white-eyed wolf1.

           But Zhou MuHui didn’t care.

           Fortunately, it became better after that, although Zhou MuHui disliked him, he is still grateful that he wasn’t born as a shorty because of him.

           Thus Zhou MuHui could finally fight back, press him on the ground, holding a bottle of alcohol, smashing it open next to his head, then using the sharp part to point at him, and calmly said, “Don’t hit my mom.”

           An adult’s authority isn’t easy to provoke, but Zhou MuHui who was sixteen years old didn’t know that.

           They are cunning, smooth talkers, stumbling and falling in society made them unusually sophisticated, speaking human speech when they see humans, speaking ghost speech when they see ghosts.

           Zhou MuHui was rarely beaten after that, but not his mother. 

           The man’s anger turned toward the woman, during the days when Zhou MuHui wasn’t at home, venting the hatred of being oppressed by an underaged son. 

           And his mother, for an unknown reason, never mentioned it to Zhou MuHui. 

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           His father was a man with an elegant demeanor outside, very few people would be able to discover the malevolent face under his mask, their house’s door seemed to be a boundary, he pretends to be human outside, and be a ghost after returning home.

           So after that when Zhou MuHui accidentally missed and killed him, a lot of people didn’t believe it, some people even believe that it was a “normal” dispute between father and son, and Zhou MuHui was heavy-handed.

           “If it is really like this, then why didn’t you report it to the police?” 

           They asked.

           Zhou MuHui lowered his head to look at the cuffs on his hands, and didn’t speak for a long time.

           His oral testimony and report history from the past were flipped over many times already, but they still had to ask him that question, perhaps it was an inherent character that they didn’t think a father hitting his son, a husband hitting his wife was something wrong. 

           So they were turning and tossing trying to find an excuse for “that kind of person”.

           After all, in their eyes, the other party’s (father) act “won’t really beat you to death.”

           Zhou MuHui was judged as having used excessive force in self-defense, and sentenced to eight years. When the court hearing declared it his mother even fainted on the spot, her cries were too mournful, when Zhou MuHui was restrained on the way back, he could only listen to heartbreaking howls.

           “He is only eighteen-ah, he is only eighteen-ah!”

           Maybe it was regret.

           Zhou MuHui thought, because he has never heard her cry like this before.

           But it was too late, Zhou MuHui heard the door behind him close with a bang, thinking in his heart, it was also too late to regret.

           It’s not that he never got angry with her.

           Angry that she was too cowardly, and too obstinate, because of a few years of joy when she was young, clinging obstinately to old habits, never caring about the young Zhou MuHui.

           When Zhou MuHui was still little he would indulge in fantasies, imagining that he could fly, and could take her along and fly out of the house, getting far away from that person, he would diligently go to school, diligently attending school, then in the future, he would find a good job.

           But when he could finally fly, only did he notice that she actually didn’t want to go with him.

           Thus Zhou MuHui was like a bird unable to escape, definitely being stranded here when he turned into an adult.

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           “Zhou MuHui…”

           Xin Yi called him in a whisper, lightly tapping his back.

           Xin Yi’s hand was very soft, stroking along Zhou MuHui’s back would often make him dizzy, Zhou MuHui hummed, but didn’t get off his shoulder.

           “Let’s go home.” Xin Yi said, “The sun is too strong.”

           Zhou MuHui looked at the tree’s shadow behind him, paused for a while, and slowly straightened up.

           He led Xin Yi down the mountain, Xin Yi was very quiet, obediently leaning against him the whole time, he was still hugging an empty basket in his arms, he had just presented her with the gift he had carefully prepared.

           It was a knit sweater, Xin Yi knitted it himself.

           When Xin Yi got into the car he didn’t put on the security belt, until Zhou MuHui sat on the driver’s seat and kneel sat, calling him seriously.

           “Zhou MuHui.”

           Zhou MuHui tilted his head to look at him, asking, “What’s wrong?”

           Xin Yi seemed to be a little embarrassed by his stare, Zhou MuHui saw that the hand that was hanging at one side was curled up, he let out a sigh in his heart, stretched a hand to caress Xin Yi’s face, telling him, “Sit properly.”

           Xin Yi didn’t move, using this position to hold his hand, then using the moment he was stunned to shift closer.

           “What — —”

           His voice abruptly stopped, and something soft landed on his lips.

           Xin Yi’s breathing was very light, as if he was desperately restraining it, when it fluttered on Zhou MuHui’s lips, Zhou MuHui frowned. 

           Xin Yi was licking him.

           Just like a kitten, the wet tongue was shifting along the seam of his lips, Zhou MuHui was wet because of him, looking down at the little kid in front of him. 

           His guts were too small, both of his hands were on his shoulders, but his ears were wide open, looking at him anxiously.

           It was obvious that he was almost unable to control his breathing, fluttering on him sometimes heavily, sometimes softly, but still didn’t dare to use strength, and also didn’t dare to beg Zhou MuHui, just letting out a few murmurs that himself wasn’t even aware of. 

           Zhou MuHui let out a sigh in his heart, his palm reaching for the back of his waist, pressing him against himself.

           “Stupid.” 

           Zhou MuHui whispered, putting in the tongue that he was fooling with for half a day.

           Xin Yi led Zhou MuHui back home, it was about noon, and they still hadn’t eaten, Zhou MuHui was about to go into the kitchen, that he was stopped by Xin Yi.

           “Go shower first.” Xin Yi pushed him, “Shower first then cook after that.”

           Zhou MuHui replied in agreement, and turned to get into the bathroom.

           Xin Yi saw the door not far away close, sighed in relief, carried up the cat that was circling around his feet for a while, and sneakily walked toward the kitchen.

           Xin Yi didn’t know how to cook, but could still read a recipe, twenty couldn’t be counted as long, but it was enough for him to make a bowl of noodles. 

           He didn’t dare to put too many things, counting the time he hurriedly carried it out, it just happened that Zhou MuHui came out, looking at his back facing himself, and frowned.

           “Xin Yi?”

           Zhou MuHui couldn’t see his movements, but the hunched waist of the little kid was too obvious, one can tell with one look that he was up to no good.

           “… Ah?”

           Xin Yi was startled, looking at him, and was busy shaking his head, smiling at him.

           “Zhou MuHui, you come quickly!”

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           Xin Yi didn’t know whether he was naturally talented, because the bowl of noodles was entirely eaten by Zhou MuHui, Xin Yi was sprawled and looking at him from the opposite side, pursing his lips into a smile.

           “Is that tasty?”

           Xin Yi embarrassedly asked him.

           Zhou MuHui nodded, “Tasty.”

           The cat on Xin Yi’s lap moved, and struggled to stretch out his head from his embrace, and sprawled along with him on the table, eagerly looking at Zhou MuHui.

           “Don’t lie to me.” Xin Yi blinked, and murmured, “Don’t force yourself if it’s not good.”

           Zhou MuHui put the last bit of egg next to his lips, and said, “It’s not.” (a lie)

           Xin Yi tasted it, and couldn’t help but smile.

           “Tasty.”

           He was sprawled on the table inclining his head to look at Zhou MuHui, the cat took a turn at his neck, softly wrapping him.

           “Not hungry?” Zhou MuHui asked him.

           Xin Yi shook his head, and stickily went to hold his hand, whispering, “Not hungry.”

           Sitting at his opposite was a bit straining, Zhou MuHui was also held by him and couldn’t move, hence Xin Yi let go of his hand, then stretched his leg under the table, hooking his thigh.

           “……”

           “I want to lean on you.”

           Xin Yi was being unreasonable, lifting his other leg and putting it up, burying his face in his arms,  looking at him prettily.

           Zhou MuHui paused, Xin Yi thought he was going to be told off, as a result, Zhou MuHui only looked at him, then drew his two legs up.

           Xin Yi was stepping on his lower abdomen, seeing that he really didn’t move, he lifted his head in curiosity.

           He wanted to make Zhou MuHui laugh, or make Zhou MuHui angry, anyway was fine, this way Zhou MuHui wouldn’t think about these sad matters anymore, but how come Zhou MuHui kept indulging in him, not showing temper at all.

           Xin Yi’s feet moved slightly, using his toes to step on him, the cat in his embrace lamented, seeing that Xin Yi didn’t pay any attention to him, climbing down along his arms, falling on Xin Yi’s legs.

           “Hey — —!!”

           Xin Yi was knocked down.

           His legs dropped from Zhou MuHui’s body.

           Zhou MuHui paused, and frowned at the kid sprawling at his opposite.

           Xin Yi saw his expression, sheepishly smiled at him, and complained in a small voice, “Mao Mao is too bad…”

           “Meow —!”

           The cat jumped on Zhou MuHui’s leg, and also complained to Zhou MuHui.

           “……” 

           Xin Yi didn’t speak, pouted and ducked under the table, catching his cat.

           But bumped straight into Zhou MuHui.

           The cat was left behind in their minds, jumped on the table, and howled, Xin Yi foolishly looked at Zhou MuHui who also crouched down, asking him, “What are you doing.”

           Zhou MuHui didn’t say anything, only looked at him quietly, then took advantage of the shade as a cover to move closer, and silently kissed him.

Notes:

Ungrateful person