Silent Confession

Silent Confession – Ch.36.2 – Xin Yi was willing to be his home, but Zhou MuHui did not want it

PUBLISHED ON 23 July 2023

           At four in the afternoon, Zhou MuHui first went to the construction site, Xin Yi saw him hunched over, with his back facing him.

           In the dusty wasteland, he was as insignificant as a speck of dust next to a group of giant machines.

           Xin Yi’s soul seemed to have been sucked away and his mind was confused, standing in the corner stupidly, watching him get up and squat again and again, pushing a gray old worn-out cart, transporting those mud clods on the ground, and then coming back.

           Xin Yi looked at him for three hours, stiff and motionless like a watered carved stone, his eyes fell straight on that small square of the field of activity, and couldn’t move away no matter what.

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           He didn’t understand.

           The others would stop from time to time to drink a mouthful of water, but his Zhou MuHui didn’t even stop for half a minute or half a second. 

           Wasn’t he tired, wasn’t it hurt?

           Xin Yi was a little out of breath, his hands unconsciously curled up, the soft palms felt the pressure, were squeezed and scratched by the uneven nails that he had been biting these days, but he didn’t seem to feel the slightest pain, only looking at Zhou MuHui at a loss.

           Zhou MuHui finally stopped when the sun went down. 

           The half-fallen faded yellow covered the sky, his Zhou MuHui was standing in the open space beside and was taking money, the safety helmet on the man’s head had already been taken off, Xin Yi watched him take the money, then silently counted, before turning around and leaving.

           Xin Yi was finally startled awake, and moved back in a hurry, afraid of being noticed by Zhou MuHui.

           Xin Yi wandered like a lost soul, following him all night, Zhou MuHui went to eat first after leaving the construction site, but it also couldn’t be counted as dinner. 

           It only consisted of a bottle of water, and two buns, that were silently and quickly eaten by him, then in the next second, he got up from the roadside steps, carefully brushed the dust off his body, and walked in the other direction.

           Xin Yi could recognize it, there was a hospital at the end of that direction. 

           Xin Yi saw it on his way when following him here. 

           Xin Yi is not unreasonable and isn’t really so stupid that he is beyond remedy, but when his guess came true, he was still dazed.

           The hospital elevator stopped at the sign board saying Hepatobiliary Surgery Department and the corner of Zhou Muhui’s clothes quietly disappeared around the corner not far away.

           Xin Yi was absent-minded, he waited for the nurse at the side to come over and slowly grabbed her, asking with a trembling voice.

           “Sister, those who stay here…what kind of disease do they have ah?”

           “Hepatobiliary and pancreatic disorders, there are big and small ones, little brother, are you by yourself?” 

           Xin Yi shook his head in a hurry, saying, “I’m here to visit someone, but I don’t know where to go anymore…” 

           “Oh.” The nurse let out a relieved sigh, and showed him the way, “On the left is pancreatic stone, on the right is tumor, little brother, it’s better if you give your family a call.”

           Xin Yi nodded carelessly, and was stunned in the next second, he watched Zhou MuHui turn right just after disappearing and only opened his mouth after a while.

           “Alright…thank you sister…”

           Xin Yi went downstairs, he didn’t dare to stay any longer. 

           He was afraid that Zhou MuHui would suddenly appear, he was afraid that Zhou MuHui would see him again. 

           His Zhou MuHui… doesn’t want him to know about this matter right now. 

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           But why did life have to be so hard.

           Xin Yi thought, his Zhou MuHui already worked so hard, why couldn’t he even get one candy.

           Obedient kids all have candy to eat, why was there no one to give his Zhou MuHui a candy to eat.

           He didn’t even want much, he also didn’t have much, why would no one give him one, and would even snatch the one he had in his hand. 

           Xin Yi’s heart hurt, just like when he was young and he saw his mother sick, it made him unable to continue to walk down the road, trembling, he stopped on the side of the road.

           Fate is too harsh, there was always one difficulty followed by countless difficulties, as if they wanted to watch persevering people cry, watch happy people collapse, they single-handedly love to create misery, then tell you this is just to hone you. 

           It’s just that when this honing falls on Zhou MuHui, there is always a little bit more than for others.

           Xin Yi was unwilling. 

           “Please give me two more days, just two days, I will surely gather all the money! No..It’s not, we even sold our house!”

           “It’s too much… One surgery needs forty or fifty thousand, the old people in our family are also not very healthy, there are still a lot of treatments later, we can’t just let it go, I’m begging you, I’m begging you…” 

           Out of the hazy consciousness was a sincere male voice, almost choked up, Xin Yi raised his head blankly, and looked at the person who was on the phone.

           The other party had his back hunched over, with a half-exposed side face full of sorrow, Xin Yi stared at him in a daze, but in the next second, he was suddenly taken aback and turned around hastily.

           Zhou MuHui…

           His Zhou MuHui also…

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           Xin Yi found the ward where Zhou MuHui’s mom stayed, and avoiding Zhou MuHui, he asked the other family members who came out of it, they said mother Zhou is in the late stage of liver cancer.

           “It’s burning money ah, you have to have surgery, and you have to wait in line for liver sources, after it’s done you’ll only live a few more years, his mother wanted to leave several times, it’s her son who forced her to stay here, saying that all the money in their family have been handed over to the hospital, even if she didn’t want to do it, she has to do it.

           The other party sighed, said, “I heard that her son went to sell his blood, the last time he rolled up his sleeves to wash his mother’s face, I took a glance, his arms were blue.”

           Xin Yi was confused, he didn’t even know how he got back home, he was dizzy all the way, and when he pushed open the door and Mao Mao jumped on him, it finally awakened him. 

           Xin Yi went upstairs in a hurry and began to rummage through the cabinets in a mad rush, he took out all the lucky money he had received from childhood to adulthood, and spread it on the bed, his tears were falling at the same time he was counting, and were wiped away ruthlessly by him in the next second.

           At the end of the count, he couldn’t count anymore, tears fell like broken beads, Mao Mao jumped on the bed in a daze, bit his finger, approached him cautiously, and was frightened by his sudden loud cry after a while.

           That crying sound was so loud, that even if he was a cat, he couldn’t help but let out a shiver.

           Xin Yi carried his own money and went to find Zhou MuHui, in the evening of the next day.

           But when he saw Zhou MuHui, he turned mute. 

           Zhou MuHui just came from who knows where, his face was so pale that it was scary, he walked to the hospital garden and inexplicably stopped for a while, then suddenly fell along the side of the tree.

           Xin Yi’s heart trembled, and amidst the exclamation of the crowd, he quickly ran toward him.

           Zhou MuHui didn’t recognize him at first, grabbed his arm, and shook his head slowly, saying he was fine, Xin Yi looked at his eyes which were in a daze, and thought, maybe it is anemia.

           When Xin Yi had anemia, he would also be unable to see anything all of a sudden. 

           “Zhou MuHui…”

           Xin Yi called him in a trembling voice, Xin Yi watched him stiffen, that pair of eyes slowly returned to their former color, but didn’t land on him even after a long moment. 

           Xin Yi supported Zhou MuHui to sit on a chair beside them, but Zhou Muhui let out a muffled groan, Xin Yi hurriedly lowered his head, and saw that his hand inadvertently pressed on his arm, as if he remembered something, and reluctantly let go of him.

           Xin Yi kind of wanted to cry, he almost couldn’t help it, Zhou MuHui is obviously the person he likes the most, but he felt that Zhou MuHui was stabbing him again and again with a knife.

           It hurt Xin Yi so much that he was almost unable to breathe.

           Before Zhou MuHui could speak, he gave him the money, he forcefully stuffed the thin card into Zhou MuHui’s hand, Xin Yi did his best to hold his tears, and pleaded to him, “Zhou MuHui, there is one million in it, it should, it should be enough for aunty to undergo the surgery.” 

           As he finished speaking, Xin Yi’s big drops of tears fell one after another, the crowd that surrounded him just now had dispersed, Xin Yi held his hand, crying and begging him.

           “Zhou MuHui, take it.”

           His Zhou Muhui lacked money, that’s why he had that many jobs before, now he even went to the construction site to take hard-earned cash.

           And that day he didn’t go to Xin Yi’s house, probably because of his mother.

           But why didn’t he tell Xin Yi, didn’t they agree that if he had any difficulties he would tell Xin Yi, why Zhou MuHui didn’t say anything.

           He didn’t want Zhou MuHui to always be so awesome, he also hoped Zhou MuHui could be a little bit weaker, and let himself go, it is ok if he was as stupid as Xin Yi.  

           But Zhou MuHui didn’t want it, his Zhou MuHui was stunned for a long while, then pushed Xin Yi’s card back, and told Xin Yi to go back.

           He got up and left, Xin Yi was behind him crying and calling him, but he didn’t turn around. 

           Xin Yi began to come to the hospital frequently, waiting for Zhou MuHui under the building wrapped in the wind.

           When Zhou MuHui came in the evening or late at night, handed him the home-cooked meal, then used various ways to hand him his card, and looked at him with tears in his eyes.

           But without exception, it was all pushed back by Zhou MuHui.

           “… Xiao Yi, listen.”

           “I’m not listening.”

           Xin Yi rejected him with tears, “I can help you, why don’t you want it.”

           He wanted to help Zhou MuHui, Xin Yi has never been his drag oil bottle.

           But Zhou MuHui became silent, rejecting him once again.

           Zhou MuHui couldn’t accept it.

           Because he was Xin Yi.

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           On the afternoon of the beginning of spring of April, mother Zhou was once again critically ill, she was pushed into the operating room, and Xin Yi and ZhouMuHui were waiting for her outside.

           This was the second time mother Zhou went into it, Xin Yi tilted his head, looking at Zhou MuHui’s lower his head helplessly, the hands that fell by his sides were tightly curled up.

           Xin Yi could feel his fear, it was the last thing Xin Yi wanted him to face.

           “Zhou MuHui.”

           Xin Yi called him in a whisper.

           He was actually a little apprehensive and knew that he shouldn’t say it at this time, but he couldn’t wait any longer, he was very afraid…he didn’t want Zhou MuHui to be sad again.

           “I found someone, when aunty comes out, she will be able to do the surgery next month.”

           Xin Yi carefully held his hand, held your breath, and looked up.”

           “……”

           After the silence, it was Zhou MuHui’s hoarse voice.

           “Xiao Yi, do you want something.”

           He didn’t look at Xin Yi during the whole time, but Xin Yi didn’t even want to miss him even for half a minute, half a second.

           “I…”

           Xin Yi was stunned for a moment, not understanding why Zhou MuHui would ask such a question suddenly, but his answer never changed, thus he pursed his lips, and spoke in a small and serious voice.

           “I…I want to get married to you.” 

           Want to forever be with you, want to protect you, love you properly, and never let you endure any hardship again.

           “Is that…okay.”

           The card was passed from the palms of the two of them, and the operating light quietly turned green at that moment, Zhou MuHui hummed and nodded blankly.

           “Alright.”

           Xin Yi really likes him. 

           He has been bewitched since the first time they met, going to find him every day like a persistent bum beetle, not afraid of trouble, not afraid of being disliked, afterward, then he became familiar with him with difficulty, then stumbling to confess to him, and pursuing him.

           Although he got a fierce return, he did not give up anyway.

           Persevered into going around him in circles, holding his hand, asking for kisses and hugs, and in the end, really got with him for real.

           His Zhou MuHui kept his word, he followed him back home when his mother’s situation turned better, Xin Yi was holding his hand the whole time and smiling, tilting up his head, and told his family that they wanted to get married.

           His family was shocked for a long time, except Yu TingYun who learned that for the first time, his mother pulled him into the bedroom, furrowed his eyebrows, and asked him, “Baby, isn’t that too fast?” 

           “You’re still too young.”

           Xin Shao said worriedly.

           Xin Yi was immersed in joy, grabbed his mother’s hand, and shook his head, “Mom, I like him, and I want to treat him well.”

           His mother was silent, then asked him, “Zhou MuHui also agreed?”

           Xin Yi nodded, but in the next second, his mother’s expression suddenly became serious, and then looked at him seriously.

           “Baby, we’ll discuss it with him, is that alright?” 

           Xin Yi didn’t know what they were talking about that day, he felt that time went very quickly, but it lasted for three whole hours. Xin Yi sat on the sofa and was playing with the cat in his arms, biting its ear and telling him the good news, he was never that talkative, until his parents came downstairs. 

           They agreed, Xin Yi was so excited that he went in circles around Zhou MuHui, but Zhou MuHui kept his head lowered the whole time, there was no trace of joy on his face like on Xin Yi’s.

           But Xin Yi didn’t notice it. 

           He was just very happy, because he could finally give Zhou MuHui a home, he can treat Zhou MuHui well more legitimately, give Zhou MuHui all the good things, and Zhou MuHui won’t reject him anymore. 

           Xin Yi never felt that there were any problems between them, in his opinion, he likes Zhou MuHui, Zhou MuHui also likes him, so they got married out of love. 

           So, just as Xin Yi expected, they had a home that belonged to both of them.

           But Zhou MuHui wanted to leave.

           Giving him that card from years ago, giving him that already signed divorce agreement, hugging Xin Yi and making Xin Yi look at him, and saying, “Xin Yi, we are quits now.”

           Xin Yi couldn’t understand what was quits, they could be quits with money, but how could they be quits with feelings too, what Xin Yi gave, the countless love he received, how are they going to be quits in order to be able to write down an equal sign?

           Xin Yi was willing to be his home, willing to be his candy, but Zhou MuHui seemed to want none of it. 

           Xin Yi couldn’t understand, he cried till his head was muddy, the sadness almost turned into a stream and drowned him, only his instinct was desperately pulling, telling him.

           He cannot let Zhou MuHui leave, he cannot let Zhou MuHui go.

           If he left, Zhou MuHui wouldn’t be coming back.

           “Zhou MuHui…”

           He called out Zhou MuHui in a trembling voice, “You can’t lie to me…”

           You nodded at the oath when we got married, you said you were willing, saying we will grow old together, but not a single strand of Xin Yi’s hair has turned white, how can you not keep your word.

Notes:

Finally done with the longest/hardest chapter! And I am also back from my tiny three-day rest, and went back to the office only to discover shit tons of things waiting for me… It was easily my shittiest week. Anyway, hopefully I can translate the rest of it really quickly, I’ve been dragging it for too long.