The Bad Ending of an Otome

“Are you here because you’re worried about me?”

“Emilia.”

I want to tell them that saying someone’s name in such a tone is unjust. 

My heart, which I had finely fractured and carefully locked, is tingling for no apparent reason.

Please don’t be nice to me because I don’t want to misunderstood. 

Please don’t go much closer because it makes me greedy.

It was a phrase I’d swallowed countless times as a child. 

But that’s fine. 

I did not grow old in vain. 

I smiled and casually pushed the teacup towards him. 

That’s when Raretis reached inside his arms and took something out. 

It was a teeny-tiny box.

“I knew you came of age this year, but I didn’t give you a congratulatory gift.”

“…”

I stood there dumbfounded as Raretis opened the box’s cover without saying anything.

There was a necklace inside. 

A delicate silver chain was finished with an amethyst as bright as Raretis’ eyes. 

The amethyst’s edge was adorned with silver and tiny black pearls the size of rice grains.

“Though it’s late, congratulations on your debut, Emilia.”

“…”

I just stupidly blinked my eyes. 

I couldn’t think of anything to say. 

It’s nothing major, and I shouldn’t be alarmed… 

Why can’t I come up with anything to say? 

I could ramble better than anyone in front of Cassio and Edmund. 

But I’m the most ignorant in front of the person to whom I least want to appear foolish.

“…Thank you.”

“If it’s okay with you…”

Raretis paused for a moment.

“May I… put it on for you?”

“…”

“If you don’t dislike the gift.”

“No, it’s not that, but…”

A hand reached me as I hesitated. 

I flinched reflexively, even knowing it was gloved. 

I was already wearing an aquamarine necklace, and his fingers seemed to unfasten it as they touched it. 

The necklace slipped from my nape with a gentle clink. 

I saw the man’s tense profile. 

His lashes were close enough to be visible. 

His black hair, dark enough to appear impenetrable to light, rustled near my ear, tickling me, and his gaze sparkled like the pearl in his fingers. 

My earlobes were warm.

Something cool touched my neck. 

The small amethyst pendant, about the size of a fingernail, rolled beneath my collarbone. 

The clasp of the necklace clicked. 

His gloved finger brushed over my neck as if by chance. 

It felt like every hair on my body was standing on edge.

I knew putting on the necklace was only a ceremonial touch, yet my body tightened. 

He’s too close. 

His face had gotten so close that I could hear his breathing, and it gently drew away, almost regretfully. 

I suddenly realized I had been holding my breath. 

I inhaled gently and noticed Raretis’s face, which was the same as always. I was a little ashamed. 

It’s a minor issue, but being too concerned made me feel even more ashamed. 

I tried to keep my voice calm.

“You could have just sent it to the mansion.”

“I was hoping to see your face. The last time…”

“The last time? At the royal palace?”

“…”

Raretis opened his lips as if to say something, then studied his surroundings before closing it again. 

There was only Kitty in the room. 

Was there something he didn’t want to say in front of Kitty?

“We didn’t get to talk much then.”

So many things have happened in the past. 

Kitty approached and snatched up Raretis’s unfastened necklace. 

Raretis looked at Kitty with a puzzled expression.

“Is the reason you wanted to see me just for the gift?”

“Emilia.”

“I am grateful for the gift. The… amethyst is stunning.”

The thought of Raretis’s eye color made me feel odd in various ways, as did the black pearls encircling the amethyst, which reminded me of Raretis’s black hair. 

It has to be a coincidence. 

The legendary impregnable Raretis Hope?

“I chose it thinking of you.”

“…Thank you.”

“…Do you not like it?”

“Of course I do. I’ve never received a debutante celebration present like this before, now that I think about it.”

Raretis paused at my words. Kitty, who had stepped back, likewise enlarged her eyes for some reason. 

Of course, I’d gotten enough outfits, accessories, and shoes to fill several rooms. 

However, those seemed more like a show of riches than true consideration. 

It was a way for the Brahamdorff family to flaunt their enormous wealth in front of everyone.

There was always nothing chosen with genuine thought and significance just for me. 

Yes, that’s how I realized Cassio Brahamdorff was the type of person he was. 

Raretis Hope, on the other hand, was the polar opposite.

With my fingertips, I stroked the gleaming jewel around my neck. 

My chest felt unusually fluttery. 

Raretis Hope placing a necklace on me was a scene I had never imagined.

“Emilia.”

“Yes.”

My voice seemed oddly familiar to me.

“Lia.”

I remained mute. 

Raretis’ expression was difficult to read. 

It has always been that way. 

Though he appeared shaken, I concluded it was all in my head.

‘Because you’re both ‘Lia,’ and you seem close to Raretis.’

Who was it that said that?

‘Because Ophelia and Emilia are the same age, and Emilia and Raretis have the same hair color, they could be mistaken for siblings if they go somewhere unfamiliar.’

What did I think when I heard that? 

Did I want to inquire if they were making fun of me, caught between two gorgeous swans like an ugly duckling?

“Sir Raretis, I’ve been considering it for a while.”

I inhaled deeply.

“You’re too casual with me.”

“…”

The man’s eyes were filled with confusion.

“You’re calling me by a nickname you used to call me in jest during our childhood.”

“Emilia.”

“Maybe it was okay in the past… but not now.”

“Do I make you uncomfortable?”

“…”

I thought it was ludicrous that I couldn’t say ‘yes’ right away.

“A little.”

“Why?”

“…”

I couldn’t think of anything to say. 

No matter how twisted I felt inside, I could joke and taunt Cassio Brahamdorff, but not with this man who gazed at me calmly.

Because you are the type of person. 

Someone who remembers and cares about everyone they meet. 

Someone who would look for a little child who had run away following a disagreement with some of the mansion’s undesirable servants. 

Despite the complexities of our current relationship, you came to the house to give me a debutante present. 

The most significant difference between my upbringing and now is that I’ve gotten better at lying. 

I motioned with my eyes for Kitty to leave us alone. 

Kitty left the door slightly ajar as she walked away.

“It’s just that showing too much closeness when we have different partners is a bit…”

“Because of what others might think?”

“…There’s that too.”

He’s unusually perceptive. 

While it isn’t truly about ‘what others think,’ I couldn’t deny that it did play a role. 

I forced a strong swallow. 

Partnering up doesn’t always imply marriage – of course, given my reliance on others for basic needs, I should be more cautious – and while a present from someone I had a former connection with isn’t horrible, it’s nonetheless.

“…I don’t want to be deeply entangled with House Windrose.”

“….”

Raretis, who was going to say something else, shut his mouth. 

His eyes glowed with a complicated expression.

“…Emilia.”

“You understand what I’m saying, don’t you?”

“…The Brahamdorff family won’t be able to provide you with secure backing.”

“That’s a problem I’ll have to deal with.”

“I can help you with…”

“Such kindness is excessive for a friend of a deceased fiancé.”

The man became immobile.

“As the heir of the Windrose family, it seems too casual a demeanor to display.”

“Those words…”

“Why are you so concerned about me? Because I’m not as beautiful as Ophelia, don’t have much money, and have no family to look after me?”

“That’s not it. I’ve made that clear.”

His eyes were crimson with rage, and his voice was frantic. 

I chuckled bitterly.

“I know. Sir Raretis would never say something like that.”

“Why do you…”

He clenched his teeth as if resisting something.

“…Describe yourself in such terms?”

“Because it’s true.”

“You are different from Ophelia.”

“….”

There are many various kinds of ‘different.’ 

She could be so fantastic that I can’t compare, or our personalities and interests were always so different that comparison was pointless. 

However, comparisons are unavoidable in the end. 

We are the same age. 

Inseparable relationships. 

Even at the mansion, I used to despise it. 

Raretis Hope was the only one who said I wasn’t like Ophelia.

I could handle it even if I accepted Cassio’s request and returned. 

I believed I could endure the tiring rumors and stares in society. 

I didn’t have anything to lose. 

It was fine. 

I could watch that man dance with Elodie and see Elodie become the center of attention instead of her without feeling anything.

When I saw him, however, my deep-seated inferiority complex towards Ophelia would crawl out of her grave and grip my ankles. 

With nothing else to offer, I’m filled with malice. 

That skinny kid who harmed Ophelia and ran to the meadows behind the hill, his eyes dull, looking up at me. 

Would things have been different if we hadn’t met this way? 

What if I wasn’t ‘Emilia’? 

It was meaningless.

I used to think I’d go insane from longing for him. 

I expected to come to despise her rather than love her. 

So, I assassinated my younger self. 

I smashed the hatred, venom, fury, and inferiority complex into a pit in my heart.

I assumed that after she died, the pit would be empty. 

If I tossed anything in, all I’d get back was an echo. 

But I was wrong. 

That pit was never empty. 

My younger self, starved and emaciated, awoke with angry eyes like a devil.

“I know that better than anyone.”