The Gentle Death God Laughs Above the Cherry-Blossom Sky.

Since I recovered, the following days were dull and monotonous.

There were only two things that made my day brighter: My sickness never recurred – at least, not yet –  and, more importantly, Reaper-san often came by to talk to me. The conversations were short and frequently had moments where neither of us spoke yet, it never felt awkward.

Instead, it felt right.

It felt peaceful.

But …

There are times where I felt that my surroundings looked strange, as though something had changed, but I failed to notice.

“So —”

The Grim Reaper’s voice filters through the hazy expanse of my mind like a radio playing in the background. He had been talking about what happened today, but I could barely tell; I wasn’t paying attention. My whole focus was on the landscape outside – specifically on the small young sapling amidst the towering trees whose tops combined to form a cloud-like carpet of pink in the sky.

It was a tiny cherry tree, one that had yet to produce buds.

“A sapling of this size would take around five years to start flowering. That’s why … together … Let’s come back here together when that happens!”

While I wandered between life and death, those words – his promise – had echoed through my mind. Just remembering that dream made me feel sorrow.

“Fool—” I whispered to myself, completely forgetting the Grim Reaper’s existence as my mind walked deeper into its lake of thoughts.

At least the promise I made with him became my strength to fight.

While I drank bitter medicine, I thought of him and our cherry blossom sapling. It gave me strength to fight. Back then, I hoped it would bloom so that he would come visit me.

But …

In the end, I’m still laying here.

Alone, without Ren-kun, or even our cherry blossom sapling, to accompany me.

Like a broken puppet, I lay here with numerous cords inserted into my veins, waiting for nothing.

Sigh.

I sincerely thought that once I saw the cherry blossoms with Ren-Kun, things would finally change for me. For the better.

… But I guess that was just a silly wish of mine.

This time, I felt quite sure. That cherry blossom sapling will not bloom this year, hence I will die without seeing its flowers or it’s buds at the very least. In the end, I wasn’t able to wait long enough.

I guess it was true – there are times that wishes can’t come true, no matter how much a person faithfully wishes for it to.

“—Am I?”

A voice cuts through my thoughts, pulling me back to the surface. Blearily, I look in its direction, confused.

“What?”

“Do I seem like a fool to you?” The voice asked again, his words tinged with a small bit of hurt. Faintly, I recognized it was Reaper-san. 

“No! It’s not—” I hurriedly denied his speculation, not meeting his eyes. Instead, I continued to gaze out the window behind him, at the sight of the cherry blossoms that flicked their pink branches back and forth in the wind.

I couldn’t finish my sentence. My heart felt too restless. That stupid promise –

Just then, two hands wrapped themselves around mine, which I had unknowingly formed into a fist.

Surprised, my gaze refocuses on Mr. Reaper, who simply asks: “What’s wrong?”

Still in shock at the sudden contact, I let out a simple “Huh?”

“Is there something outside?” He continued to ask, causing me to answer subconsciously.

“Yes — “

Hearing my affirmation, Mr. Reaper turned to look out the window. A minute later, he asks: “Do you mean the Sakura?”

“Yes.” For a moment, I had no clue what else to say. Finally, I decided to just go with the flow, maybe that would help my restless heart.

“There’s a cherry blossom over there that isn’t blooming. Can you see it, Mr. Reaper?”

“Oh, that little tree.”

“Yes, I planted it.”

“Really?”

“ …. ”

Even though he seemed uninterested in my newfound topic, he urged me to talk anyway. What a sweet man.

“So?” Mr. Reaper continued, startling me.

“Huh —”

“What’s wrong with that?”

“Ah, uh … A long time ago, maybe six years ago, I planted that cherry blossom sapling with a boy who had been in this hospital for a long time as well. We talked about meeting each other again when that sapling bloomed. We talked about how we would sit under its leaves and talk about our lives, about how we recovered.”

“Is that right? … But it seems that the tree won’t be blooming anytime soon. It’s not even budding.” Reaper-san said, pulling his hands away to point a finger outside.

I know that. I thought to myself, feeling my heart pang in pain. Even if you don’t say it, I know. Our cherry blossom tree, which was supposed to bloom after five years, failed to even produce buds. And Ren-kun failed to show up.

“That’s right. It didn’t bloom.” I said after inhaling a deep breath, turning my gaze away from the window – from the sakuras – from him.

“Yeah. What a shame.”

“But I wanted to see the cherry blossoms bloom.” I whispered under my breath while I stared at the bright, white ceiling.

The words came out unexpectedly. I immediately covered my mouth in defense, but I guess Mr. Reaper still heard it.

I had given up a lot of things so far. Going to school, living with my family, or living a normal life. 

At the very least, seeing the sakura sapling blossom was a wish that I really wanted to come true. Unfortunately, fate didn’t want that to happen.

But I think that’s okay. After all, I need to be reasonable about what I can and cannot obtain. 

The thing about my promise with him – it’s an unreasonable wish that can no longer be fulfilled.

Reaper-san’s eyes darted back and forth between me and the young sapling outside. Finally, he opened his mouth to ask: “—Shall we make it bloom?”

“Huh?”

“The cherry blossoms, should I make them bloom?” Reaper-san repeated, easily as if he was asking, “Would you like to buy some juice now?”, instead of something as nature-defying as forcing a tree to bloom.

“Can you do that?”

“Well, is there anything I can’t do?”

“That’s right … Mr. Reaper is amazing.”

“That’s not the case, but let’s make it bloom.”

“Thank you … but I’m fine.”

Mr. Reaper said, “Why? Didn’t you want to see it?” 

Reaper-san, who says that what he’s about to do is very rare, furrows his brows. It’s nice to hear him say it, but I still couldn’t accept the offer.

“That’s not the problem.”

“Then, what is the problem?”

“I wanted to see that cherry blossom blooming with the boy I made a promise with. It won’t make sense to see it with Reaper-san.”

“Wh —”

After being stunned for a moment, Mr. Reaper pressed me more saying, “But don’t you want to see the blooming take place?”

I wonder why he’s behaving like this. I’ve never really wanted to see it bloom since Ren-Kun was nowhere near.

“Why are you like this?”

“What?”

“Today’s Reaper-san is strange.”

“That’s not the case. I just want to see the cherry blossoms bloom too. I have the power to make it happen. All I need is your permission.”

“Thank you.”

I was happy with the kindness Reaper-san is showing. But, still …

“It’s okay. I’m fine with the thought that maybe it was a cherry blossom that wasn’t supposed to bloom.” I said with a hint of sadness in my voice. I looked over my shoulder to avoid the pressing gaze of the man beside me.

“Forever?” He asked. 

“Yes, forever.”

“When we bought the small tree, the uncle that sold the sapling told us: ‘I hope it blooms well’… In other words, some cherry blossoms will never bloom. I’m sure that the cherry blossom that we planted is dead and will never bloom in the future. It’s funny that it’s just like me who’ll never bloom into adulthood. That’s why — ” I paused, breathing heavily.

“—That’s why it’s okay.”

That was the end of my story, and as soon as I got out of bed, I closed the curtains and went back to bed again. I turned my back to Mr. Reaper and covered my head with the futon.

After a while, I thought I heard a sigh before I heard him mumble an  “OK.” 

When I turned around to see him, the god of death had already disappeared.

After looking at the ceiling, I fell asleep. For some reason, my dream alternated between two people; Ren-kun and Reaper-san.

Then I realized it, I was dreaming again.

It was the day I spent with Ren-kun. And it’s odd, because I don’t know this but I felt like this is not supposed to be in my mind. 

Ren-kun in my dream was a little older than he was when I last saw him. Handsome specimen. 

“I can’t believe I’m leaving. I won’t be able to see you everyday, I feel lonely.” With his flushed cheeks and firm body, he reached for me. I need to accept it. This will be the last time that I’ll see him!

I prayed that my child would accept his hand and when she did, I almost cried.

“I’m lonely too.” I heard myself say. 

It was the day when Ren decided to leave the hospital. It was the day that I lost my humanity.

That day, I was devastated and started crying because Ren-kun was going to leave me behind. I saw my kid self hold her chest while contemplating whether the pain from her chest is her illness or because of Ren. Oh yeah, I think I remember being sick for a whole month after he left. Maybe it was a little bit of both then.

I watched as he placed a hand on his neck while comforting me, saying: “I’ll come to see you again.”

And at that moment, I realized something that broke my heart.

…

So, that was it.

I wonder why I didn’t notice it. Was I crying too much back then? It took me so long to realize that Ren didn’t want to come to see me anymore. Mahiro dummy.

How did I know that?

Because it’s a habit of his to put his hand on his neck when he tells a lie. That is his unique side. I can’t say that it’s one of his charms because lying is never a charm, but I think it’s what differs him from others. 

I cried while being comforted by him. I cried because of the thought I’d never see him again.

For years, I wondered why he said he’d come visit yet never did.

But, now …

I stared straight into his eyes while he said,  “It’s a promise.”, and felt cold air linger.

Why …

You lied but …

Why do your eyes look so sad and cold?

“What happened to your promise?”