The Reason I Keep Avoiding My Childhood Friend

Wasn’t it rather strange to send fervent letters to someone who intentionally ignores you? Like he was revealing a very important secret, Kir shortened his distance with me. I stopped breathing as he got closer again. Kir’s eyes sparkled.

“To keep your distance from me.”

It was like whispering sweet words, but the tone felt somehow cold. My heart sank at Kir’s surprise attack again. It had gotten so deep that it’s hard to read now.

Kir’s calm gaze contained no anger. But in the stillness, it seemed to be followed by a terrible voice whispering, ‘That’s what you wanted’.

My blood cools down. I need to find something to say, but I can’t find any words.

“What, what does that mean?”

I tried to raise my voice and asked back, but just in time the carriage stopped, and the door opened. Kir did not answer my question. He just looked at me with strange eyes for a moment before getting off the carriage.

The moment our eyes met for a moment, the deep, enchanting, and beautiful eyes shimmered like an opaque film had been put on them. Like he was asking, why am I doing this when I know everything.

The sound of my beating heart resonated fiercely. It was confusing. I felt afraid. Did he notice? Since when? How far? Shame, misery, and guilt came all at once, when my low consciousness seemed to be read for no reason.

It was hard to see Kir. My fingertips were cold.

“You have to get off.”

But now there was nowhere to run. A low voice forced me into it. I lightly bit my lower lip and suppressed my emotions. I was just shaken by the unexpected surprise.

As I was about to get off the carriage, Kir stared at me with a calm face, as if he had never said such a thing.

With the signal to come out, I forced my frozen feet to move. Kir, who was at the entrance of the carriage, lifted me up and put me down.

Kir’s firm hand felt frightening. It seemed that I was tightly gripped by Kir so that I could not escape.

His fingertips secretly and tightly gripped my waist. Has Kir grown too big for me to guess anymore? The purple eyes embracing the heat were strange. I was afraid of the faint smile on Kir’s lips. I seemed to be gradually driven into a corner.

At that time, Father, who had come to meet me, caught my eye.

“Father!”

As an excuse, I shook off Kir’s hand and ran to Father. His hands, which seemed to bound me forever, easily came off. I just ran like crazy. It hasn’t been a very long time since Father went to the capital three months ago, but maybe it’s because of my heart now, I’m glad to see him.

I came closer and hugged Father. The body, full of hard muscles, was reassuring. Father’s hand tapped my back.

“It’s been a while.”

Relief spread in Father’s heavy, low voice. My throat was choking, and my eyes were burning with the reassurance that would cover my bad feelings.

“I missed you.”

Father tried to pull me off, but I held on. He patted me on the head, so I had no choice but to let go of my clinging hands. Then Father hugged me and lifted me up. I was surprised by the heightened gaze. My father lifted me up with ease, no different from when I was 7 years old.

The sensation of my legs floating in midair was awkward because it had been a while. I wanted to say that I am not a child anymore, and that I don’t want to do this, but today I just wanted to cling to him and hug Father’s neck.

“Did you finish studying today?”

“Today is a special day, so it’s okay. Father is here, so I can rest for a day or so.”

It’s been a while, so it’s okay to act childish. No matter how old I get, I will still be a child to my father.

“Alright. Let’s go in.”

As expected, Father didn’t scold me. Rather, he couldn’t hide his joy with a faint smile. Then he took a step towards me while hugging me. Left alone, Kir’s gaze at me was not nice. I thought it was because of our last conversation, but I ignored it and hugged Father’s neck.

Kir, who had grown so fast, was now too unfamiliar.

* * *

What on earth happened in one year? Why did Kir grow up like that? I should be happy if Kir has grown up, but why am I disturbed? Even though I knew it was a useless worry, I was bothered by it all night, so and so that even when I came to the Sage’s Study, my worries did not stop.