The Squire on a White Horse

“Lean against the wall and stay here. I’ll send someone over soon.”

I grabbed him by the shoulders and pushed him against the wall, then Stanley ran off. I hobbled after him, but the maid immediately flew in and took me to my room.

It was a very big deal.

After making sure I was calm, the maid left, and a little while later Aishe came to inform me that Mother’s guest had arrived. Dana didn’t tell me what happened to her, but she entertained the guests, and then was instructed on etiquette as we switched places. Dana was not there to watch over me, but I had made enough progress that I could get a passing grade even when I was not looking up.

Finally, I was released and asked Aishe to go check on me.

Aishe came back soon and told me that Dana was not injured and that the three servants who had suffered only swollen faces were quietly telling me what had happened.

I didn’t feel like defending them, but it was unlucky for them to be asked by me. It’s such a big deal now. Dana’s probably going to be fired.

“Would you like me to get you something warm?”

“…Yes, please. Please.”

When Aishe nodded, she looked up. We heard a knock on the door and looked at each other.

“Yes.”

We looked at each other. It was Stanley who was standing there.

He bowed his head and said in an imperative voice, “My Lady, I need to talk to you.”

“…Yes, where?”

“If you’ll permit me, I’d like to continue.”

Stanley then looked at Aishe. She immediately understood what he meant and walked back into the room to join me.

“Come in.”

Bowing his head once more, Stanley walked in and stopped a few meters in front of me.

He spoke up with an unusually unsmiling face.

“All three of them have been laid off as of today.”

“…So…”

“Of course.”

There was anger in his voice.

He must have heard what kind of language I had been abused with. It was also an insult to Stanley.

“Dana has been suspended for a week. The steward will also receive some sort of censure for misconduct.”

“I’ll go and ask Father and Mother to lighten the punishment later.”

I looked up at Stanley’s face. When I saw his face, my anxiety erupted.

“Stanley.”

I muttered his name and then turned my face down, wondering what the hell I was going to ask him.

He got down on one knee in front of me and looked up at my downcast face.

“If you have any concerns, please don’t hesitate to let me know.”

Anxiety. I had nothing but anxiety.

If I was worried, I could ask him.

But how?

Was I going to ask him if he would go out and meet women? No one would be stupid enough to say “Yes, I will.” It’s a meaningless question.

“…I’m fine. I’m fine. I’m just a little surprised that it’s become such a big deal.”

I crossed my legs and stared at my toes.

“They’re right, because I understand that your father allowed you to marry me mainly because of the dowry and because I’m the daughter of a lord. It’s not just the Arliss family, it’s everywhere I marry. Though I do resent the outburst against you.”

I looked at Stanley’s face.

“Stanley, I’m fine.”

Stanley looked up at me searchingly for a few moments, then dropped his gaze and muttered a small “I see.”

I looked up at him as he stood up and spoke a little higher to change the subject.

“You seem to be getting a decent amount of rest lately.”

The dark circles around his eyes have faded considerably, and his complexion was surprisingly good.

“Yes. Your father has been threatening me every day with the idea of making his daughter a widow.”

I covered my mouth and smiled. It seemed that Father was really using that threatening phrase.

“The handover to my successor has been completed. I’ve finished most of the work I had left to do and now all I have to do is sort out my own personal affairs.”

“Well, you’ve worked hard. I have to work harder.”

“No, you’ve done enough.”

I looked at him, surprised by his words. Not at all, not yet, not enough.

“You seem to be overworking yourself lately.”

“Not as much as you.”

“My Lady.”

“Don’t worry, it’s been so cloudy lately that neither the moon nor the sun will come down.”

A mischievous smile tightened on my face. Stanley took my hand.

His hazel eyes that stared at me were as gentle as ever.

“I’m worried about you.”

I felt his hand tighten. It hurt.

“I told My Lady to do her best. But you’ve done enough. You’ve been working a dozen times harder than I thought you would. If I hadn’t said those words…”

“No.”

I shook my head slowly. No, that’s not what I meant.

“No… But… I have to try…”

Because I couldn’t have children. I couldn’t have children, so I had to be able to do everything else perfectly.

How many times have I repeated this phrase? It was as if I’m cursing myself.

The strength drained from my body. Stanley’s hand, which I had let go of, fell easily to his lap.

“…Rest a little until dinner.”

“My Lady?”

I was fine. I was just a little tired, that’s all.

“I’m fine, Stanley.”

I was just a little tired.

“…Okay.”

I didn’t look up at him as he stood up, but a voice said, “Excuse me,” and I heard the door open and close behind me.

I fell face down on the bed. I could see the flowery ceiling and Aishe’s face peering at me with concern.

“I’m not usually like this.”

I muttered and covered my eyes with my arms.

“No, what kind of personality did I originally have…?”

I could say what I wanted to say more and hear what I wanted to hear. I ran away from what I didn’t want to do, and did only what I wanted to do.

And now, here we are.

Father said that one day it would be comfortable and loving to be married and have someone standing right next to you. But it’s still so scary.

It was even more frightening when the person standing next to you was someone you cared about.

“If you can’t talk to Mr. Arliss, you can talk to me.”

“…It’s fine. Thank you, Aishe.”

I got up from the bed.

I hand-combed my messy hair and looked back at Aishe, whose eyebrows were drooping.

“Follow me to your father’s room.”