Tired Of Death

"They've split up," Wilbur said, looking up from his scrying orb. "Dreth is on an island of some kind. They've left one of the zombies and the little one on the ship with the man."

"Interesting," said Harold the Hedonistic without turning around. He was staring out over the railing of his ship, seemingly entranced with the Sparklyblue Sea. "Who's on the island?"

"I'm not sure milord, my scrying is at the limit of its range, and the island appears to have some kind of magical warding. We may lose sight of Dreth if he goes inland." Wilbur gulped silently to himself. Harold didn't usually like being told bad news. He knew he was the third Magical Advisor to the king this year, and that was because he'd been away when the Wizard's guild had chosen the post. For the hundredth time he lamented skipping that meeting. Today though, it seemed he was in luck.

"Very well," Harold said, waving a hand vaguely. "Keep an eye on their ship. Let me know when they move off."

"As you d.e.s.i.r.e, of course." Wilbur bowed to the rulers' back and made a hasty withdrawal. 

The king continued to stare out over the water.

~ * ~

The village was thriving, despite the late hour. The small whitewashed buildings on either side of the roughly cobbled street all had lights burning. Several appeared to be selling women, and Emerald scowled as one scantily clad lady leaned out and called as the group passed. 

"Fancy a good time dearie?" she waved at Percy.

"Don't even think about it," hissed Dreth. 

"But a Good Time," m.o.a.n.e.d Percy, who had a hat pulled down low over his head, the better to disguise his features. 

"We're not here for a good time," said Dreth, pulling his hood closer around his own face. 

"Story of my life," m.o.a.n.e.d the zombie. "Here we are, passing fresh food shops, and I can't go in for a snack."

"I don't think that's quite what they intended," said the tall muscular figure of Frumble, in his new illusion disguise. He waved at the woman, who winked and blew him a kiss.

"Where is this Captain Blue exactly?" asked Dreth.

"Usually the Captain be in the Inn," said Hooks, glancing from side to side nervously. He nudged Reginald. "You! Be Blue in port?"

"Yes skipper," the captive replied. "Holding court as usual the last I saw."

"Then we be having a chance," said Hooks. "Here be the Inn now."

They all looked where he was pointing. 

The building in question was a large one. Horses were tethered outside, and oil lamps hung along the wall, illuminating the exterior with an orange light. The windows were large and allowed glimpses of the boisterous activity that was taking place inside. A large wooden door allowed entrance. 

"There's no one on guard," said Percy.

"Why would there be anyone on guard?" asked Reginald. "It's an Inn."

"Come on, and no funny tricks," said Dreth, prodding the man. "If there's trouble you're the first to die."

They sauntered as casually as possible up to the door, and stepped inside.

Into a world of noise and activity. 

Dreth looked around, taking in the scene. The interior was dimly lit, which was something to be thankful for at least. There were sturdy wooden tables all around the room, surrounded by rough looking nautical figures drinking, wenching and generally behaving in typical pirate fashion. Their shouts filled the air, making Dreth think he'd fallen into a barrel of salty sea talk.

Rickety stairs led up to a balcony that overlooked the central area. A large chandelier hanging from the ceiling dripped wax from its many candles onto those below. Waitress wenches moved amongst the crowd, pushing and punching their way through the patrons to deliver large wooden mugs of grog.

In the centre of it all, overlooking the rest, was a large chair. Sprawled out on this makeshift throne was what could only be Captain Blue 'Hands' Crazybeard. Dreth did a double take. No, there could be no mistake. Captain Blue was a woman.

The initial source of the confusion was the beard she was wearing. It was a mass of blue hair that covered most of her face. On closer inspection Dreth could see wire wrapped around her ears. There was no doubt, it was a fake beard. 

The rest of Blue was more or less normal. She was a big woman, brawny enough to be a man, though with a fairly huge c.h.e.s.t threatening the integrity of the dirty grey jacket, the gender wasn't much in doubt. She was wearing grey breeches that matched her top, and long black, knee-high boots. Her hair, such as was visible under the large pirate hat complete with Jolly Roger insignia, was blond, and platted in braids down her back. She had an eye patch, of course, and a large sabre was propped by her side.

As Dreth looked on she raised a mug and downed the contents in one long, messy gulp, spilling half into her beard. 

"That's Captain Blue?" asked Emerald incredulously. 

"Aye, she be a piece of work 'aint she?" Hooks replied admiringly. "What a woman!" He licked his lips.

"Indeed," said Dreth dryly. He looked about and pulled the group into a shady corner. "So, where are these hands of yours?"

"They be upstairs, in yonder room," Hooks said, gesturing.

Dreth looked up to the balcony, to see the door of a room plainly visible from the main area. A large pirate stood guard outside it.

"Wonderful," he said. "So what we need is a plan."

"How about you just kill everyone?" asked Percy.

"I don't think that's the best way to proceed here," said Dreth. "I'm good, but not that good."

"And I don't want to be caught in the crossfire," added Emerald.

"So what then?" asked Percy.

Dreth thought about it, looked at the large pirate in the centre of the room, and smiled.

~ * ~

Captain Blue 'Hands' Crazybeard took another quaff of grog, spilling most of it. Smacking her lips she let out an enormous belch, followed by an "arr" for good measure. Several of the pirates nearby applauded.

"Git me another lad," she growled, throwing the mug at her cabin boy, who caught it deftly and, nodding once, scampered away to get a refill. 

She tapped her fingers on the arm of the chair whilst waiting for him to return, snarling at a drunken deckhand who dared venture too close. The man fell over, landing on his back, much to the amus.e.m.e.nt of those pirates around him. 

Blue sneered. Pirates! Simple tradition bound folk. She had more guts, more fire and daring in her little finger than…

Her musings were interrupted by shouts coming from near the entrance. There was a scuffle, and several of her loyal crew approached her. They were holding something down between them, a something that was swearing in a familiar salty tone. 

The pirate chief leaned forward as her second in command, a large bald man with a jewelled eye patch, thrust a small figure forward, forcing it face down on the floor in front of her.

"Well well well, look what the tide washed up," Blue said, smiling. 

Captain Redbeard Hooks stood up and spat. "Aye! I be back. What yer going to make of it?"

"A foolish move yer made, me dwarven colleague," Blue replied. "And what brings ye back to us? Lonely perhaps?" She laughed, and the watching pirates dutifully guffawed too.

"Or maybe," the pirate chief said, squinting, "yer be bringing back me little kraken yer took? Be that it now?"

"Or maybe I have something ter tell yer," the small pirate snarled back. 

"Something ter tell me eh? Well, spill it then. What's on yer mind Captain?"

Hooks looked left and right, and sidled forward slightly. The crewmembers to either side of him blocked his way. "Arr! Yer scurvy lot! I be having something for Crazybeards ears alone, yer hear?" 

"Let him through," said Blue, waving a hand. "Let's be hearing what he has ter say. I think I can deal with 'im easily enough, needs be."

The sailors stepped back at her word, allowing Blue to close in. He looked about at all the pirates in the tavern as he did so. "What I be saying…" he started, "is Blue 'aint be a proper pirate!" With that he swung his hook round and pulled Blue's false beard off, exposing her b.a.r.e chin for all to see. "See? She 'aint even got a beard! Down with Blue! Down with Crazybeard!"

The tavern erupted in noise as everyone shouted at once. Several of Blue's rival pirate Captains, always looking for a chance to improve their social standing, took up the call, whilst others, more loyal, countered. Then someone threw a mug. 

Violence exploded, swords were drawn and furniture was thrown. Blue scowled and ducked as a chair flew overhead.

Then she smiled. At least this had livened the day up!