Tired Of Death

"You!" she said to her boy, who'd returned with her drink just in time for the fighting. "Git me some glue!"

"Glue?" the lad said. 

"You 'eard me! Glue! And make it right sharpish like, or I'll cut yer from prow ter stern!"

"Aye aye Cap'n!" the lad said, and scampered away through the brawling seamen.

"She 'aint got a beard!" someone cried, as a window was smashed.

"Curses!" Blue muttered. She grabbed her sabre with one hand and a bottle of rum with the other and looked around. Spotting a large fat sailor in a white top who suited her purpose, she strode over and smashed the bottle over his head, knocking him senseless, or more senseless. Thrusting her sword into another howling pirate who dared charged her, she ducked down and cut away at the fat man's face as the fight raged through the tavern.

Finally done, she stood up, danced to one side to avoid a thrown blade, and looked around for her boy. "Where are you blast it?" she muttered to herself, dropping out of pirate lingo in her anger. 

"Cap'n Blue!" 

She turned to see him hiding under a nearby table, his way blocked by two sailors hacking away at each other. In one hand was a pot. 

"Throw it to me lad!" she growled, and then scurried to retrieve it as it rolled nearby. Grabbing it, she hunkered down in an undignified squat near her throne and pasted a coat over her chin. That done, she retrieved the beard she'd cut off the pirate a few moments ago, and jammed it onto the lower half of her face, making sure it was secure. 

"Right then!" she roared, standing up. "Who's saying old Blue 'aint a full bearded pirate then? Come on and meet me blade!" 

The fighting suddenly ceased, and quiet descended on the inn, with the exception of a late thrown bottle that shattered against the wall. 

"I be pirate chief!" Crazybeard waved her sword about madly. "Any one o' ye who thinks otherwise stand forth and speak yer piece now!"

There was silence. Several captains who'd earlier shouted out against her shuffled backwards, looking sheepish.

"So be it! Now, where be that little troublemaker Hooks? I'll see the colour of his liver I will." Blue searched around for the dwarf before realization suddenly struck. "Me hands!"

She looked up at the landing above, but the guard was down and the door hanging open. "Blast it all ter hell! Me pets! The little creep's stolen me collection!"

~ * ~

"This way! Hurry!" Reginald Harkworthy took a sharp right, ducking into an alleyway between two tall buildings. "It won't be long before Blue discovers what we've done. We have to get to the sea and get a ship out of here."

"How do we know which hands are Hooks?" asked Percy. "We might not have them all. They do look quite tasty though. Really fresh."

"Don't you go eating any!" Dreth admonished, looking at the glass tank they'd found in the pirates room, which Percy was struggling not to drop. Inside at least a dozen hands crawled around, looking like strange pale spiders. Several sported expensive looking rings. 

"I've seen some strange stuff in my time," he said as they trotted out of the village, "but pet hands are a new one."

"Crazybeard isn't called crazy just because of her beard," said Reginald, his black coat flapping behind him as he jogged along. "She dabbles in the dark arts too, so I hear."

"Oh, that's just great," panted Frumble, who was struggling to keep up. "A spell caster, and me with my power low. I knew it!"

"Are we having fun yet?" asked the devil, who was sitting on Dreth's head looking bored. 

"Where are we going?" said Emerald. 

Dreth looked around. They were stumbling down a low slope dotted with straggly trees. "Is this the way to the harbour?"

"No," said Reginald. "There are too many vessels there. This way is Skeleton Cove. I happen to know that the Black Skull is docked there. Maybe we can get away on that."

"And how do you propose we persuade them to help us?" panted Emerald.

"That part's easy at least," said Dreth. "I'll just kill them one at a time until they agree. I'm tired of all this skulking around. Time for some old fashioned violence."

"Subtle," said the devil, "but I like it. Oh, I think I see your little captain friend behind us. He can really move for a short arse with one leg can't he?"

Dreth glanced behind, to see the squat form of Hooks half running, half hopping towards them. He slowed down slightly to allow the dwarf to catch up. 

"Yer get them?" Hooks asked when he finally did, gasping for breath.

"We got a whole tank full!" said Percy gleefully, holding the handarium up for the pirate to see. "Very nice they are too!" A finger wiggled desperately about as he s.u.c.k.e.d it into his mouth. "What?" he said, as Dreth scowled at him.

"I told you not to eat them!"

"Relax, there's no way that one was a dwarf hand. Elf maybe, or half Elf perhaps," Percy said, chewing reflectively. He paused and considered a moment. "Yes, half Elf."

"Let's see that tank, afore yer scoff me limbs!" Hooks demanded, but Dreth put an arm out, blocking his way. 

"Let's get off this island first," he said, gesturing ahead. They had crested the brow of the hill, and were now heading down, towards a small cove, where the shape of a ship at anchor a little way offshore could be seen.

"The Black Skull is it?" said Hooks, squinting forward. "Arr. It be a suitable vessel, and Captain Longshanks and most of his crew be back at the inn."

"Then let's do this thing," said Reginald.

They set off to steal a ship.

~ * ~

"Two points ter starboard!" shouted Hooks. 

"Are they gaining?" asked Dreth, who was sitting on the stairs up to the bridge cleaning his sword. Below him a heap of pirate bodies lay piled up on the deck, as a reminder to the others who were now eagerly manning the ship.

"They won't catch us," said Hooks, scanning the horizon with a practised eye. "This ship be as fast as any in the pirate fleet, excepting Blue's maybe. We got a good start on them too. They weren't expecting us to go to Needle point I'm guessing." 

Dreth scowled. "Emerald was fairly insistent we pick up Tybalt. And I suppose they could have tortured Cuthbert for information."

"I would never crack!" declared the zombie, who was attempting to teach Sprat how to fish with a length of cord. 

"Crack no," commented the devil. "Ooze maybe."

Dreth rolled his eyes, wondering how he'd collected such a motley group of hangers-on to his quest. It'd seemed so easy when he'd set off to get the treasure in the dungeon. How did he manage to end up on a ship in the middle of a sea, being chased by a mad pirate queen, with a tiny devil on his back, a dwarf captain with half his limbs, a midget wizard, a vessel for some sort of great Evil and her boyfriend? Oh, and some sort of dandy sailor. He looked on as Reginald climbed up onto the helm and reported to Hooks. 

At least the dwarf captain was a little happier now. He'd found one of his hands in the tank, and promptly re-attached it. The ordeal had apparently not harmed the digit, which was functioning perfectly. What had happened to the other one remained unknown, but one was enough it seemed, for a pirate.

Dreth held his own hand up. It had nearly fully re-grown now. He flexed it, testing it out, and wondered what would happen if someone cut his head off. Would his body grow back, or would his body grow another head? Best not try finding out. 

His thoughts were interrupted by the sound of Hooks using various salty words. He looked up enquiringly. "Trouble?"

"Blue may be crazy," replied Reginald, "but she's not stupid. Her ship, along with at least two others, is heading towards us on an intercept course." He pointed ahead and off to port. 

Dreth pulled out his telescope and squinted through it in the direction indicated. Sure enough, heading towards them under full sail were three sh.i.p.s, all flying the Jolly Roger. The lead ship appeared larger and somehow more menacing, and the Skull and Crossbones was a blood red colour, in direct contradiction to pirate tradition. "Bugger," he said, lowering the scope. "Hey, Hooks, can't you summon your sea creature and deal with them?"

The dwarf shook his head sadly. "Aint possible matey, on account of I stole me beasty from Blue herself. She's another one. I'll keep me own in case she uses hers against us. They be doomsday weapons yer see."

"Blast," said Dreth.

The door to the cabin behind them opened, and Percy stuck his head out. "Is there a storm?" he asked. "I think I feel seasick."

"Do undead get seasick?" asked Reginald.

"Don't be daft," said Dreth.