What Do You Mean I'm The King Now??

"Uh, Candy. Can I ask you a serious question?"

"What is it, King Ash?"

"Why are you n.a.k.e.d?" I stop what I'm doing and turn to look at the big-b.r.e.a.s.ted elf standing beside me. Her long, sky blue hair falls over her shoulders, just barely covering her n.i.p.p.l.es. Beads of sweat adorn her pale, satin skin, which glistens in the warm midday sunshine. Involuntarily, I feel my eyes begin to drift lower and lower, from her face, down her c.h.e.s.t, to her abdomen, to her-

I shake my head. "Now's not the time, Parker," I tell myself before returning my gaze to her face. Candy's golden eyes stare back at me, and then she smiles, with an expression that can melt the coldest of ice.

"Well, King Ash, I'm hot," she replies.

After a year together, you'd think I'd be used to her simple-minded, or rather, straightforward logic, but Candy's response still manages to catch me by surprise, and I let out some air from my nose.

"I get that, Candy. I mean, you are hot. Like smoking hot. Like I'd-do-you-in-a-heartbeat hot." I shake my head again. I'm getting sidetracked. "What I mean to say, Candy, is that even if it's warm out, you should still keep your armor on."

"Really, King Ash? Even if I'm hot? Don't you take your clothes off when you feel hot?" Candy asks in an innocent, melodic voice. The sound is literal music to my ears, and I can't help but want to nod in agreement. I show some restraint however and manage to finish my point.

"Well, normally yes. But you see, Candy, we're kind of in the middle of something here," I reply. As I finish speaking, I shove my right arm forward.

A loud shriek echoes through the forest as the rapier in my hand impales the c.h.e.s.t of the oncoming goblin. Blood spurts out of its veins and a few drops splash onto Candy's c.h.e.s.t. I pull my rapier from the now-dead goblin, watching for a second as its body falls to the ground with a thud. Then I turn to Candy and use my free hand to wipe the blood from her left b.r.e.a.s.t. I might have also "accidentally" given it a squeeze or two. "See, Candy? If you were wearing your armor, you wouldn't have gotten covered in yucky goblin blood."

The feeling of my touch must have aroused her, because Candy looks at me l.u.s.tfully and says, "Perhaps I should get covered in yucky goblin blood more often, King Ash."

"Candy-" I begin to say. Before I can finish however, a chorus of grunting and stomping erupts from all around us, interrupting me. I look away from my companion and eye the horde of goblins that have us surrounded. There is at least a hundred of the foul beasts, but that is just as well. At least this little training expedition into the woods is going to pay dividends.

I flourish my rapier, clearing it of the blood from the goblin I had already slain. Then without looking away from the enemies before me, I say, "Candy, get your bow ready and find a good position. I'm going to need your backup."

I lift my right hand, brandishing the rapier before me. Then I lift my left hand and focus my thoughts. Immediately, a small, red flame appears in the center of my left palm. I survey the goblin horde and grin. "Let's do this."