What Do You Mean I'm The King Now??

"S-sorry, can you repeat that?" I ask hesitantly, unsure if I heard her correctly.

The female centaur furrows her brows at me, crossing her arms as her face contorts into an expression of disgust. "What, are you, like, deaf too? I said, 'Stop staring at me,' booger brain-"

Oh, she used a different insult this time...wait, why is she starting off by insulting me?! "Um, excuse me but-"

"-Hmph! You were probably, like, staring at my boobies, weren't you-?"

"-I think we got off on the wrong foot. If you'll just let me explain-"

"By the way, don't get the wrong idea. I totally let you rescue me. I would have, like, been fine on my own as well, so don't think, like, I owe you or anything. You were probably, like, thinking that just now, weren't you? You were all like, 'Mwahaha, yesssss, yesssss, she be me slave now!' Just like that-"

What's with her mental depiction of me?! Am I some mustached supervillain, maniacally stroking a cat, in her eyes?! Is that how she sees me?! Wait...she's still talking...something about "degenerates", I think...

As the female centaur continues to bombard my eardrums with a never ending stream of words, I gradually feel my eyes begin to glaze over, my mouth dropping open a bit in stupor.

High cheekbones. Wide forehead. Long, snow-white hair. Stunning violet eyes. Lovely, pert b.r.e.a.s.ts. Majestic like a queen and fit for a king. I should be so turned on right now. So then what is this? What is this all-consuming pain I feel in my c.h.e.s.t? Emptiness? Dejection? Profound disappointment? Why does she have to sound like a poorly written side character from a high school melodrama?! Wait...and she's still ranting?! How long does she plan to keep on going for?!

"-and so that's why lettuce should be the moon goddess' offering of choice, during which-"

It's hopeless. I have no idea what she's going on about. I shake my head and mumble softly, "Do you ever shut up?"

To my actual surprise, the centaur somehow hears me in the midst of her endless monologue and stops, giving me a glare. "What did you say?"

The fact that she has the gall to sound annoyed, after violating my eardrums for nearly thirty minutes with her abominable speech patterns, actually manages to piss me off enough that I yell, "Do you ever just shut up?!"

I have no idea if I was being too harsh or not, but as soon as my outburst finishes, I see the centaur let out a small, squeaky gasp before she quickly turns around, her back to me. Then I spot her shoulders trembling, and I hear her taking sharp, incomplete breaths, as if she's choking. I feel my eyebrows raise in surprise.

I-is she crying?! Just from that?! She's been hurling insults at me this whole time, but something like that is enough to make her cry? What's the saying? "Don't dish it out if you can't take it?" And it wasn't even like I insulted her! Gah! This girl is such a handful. Candy. Where's Candy?

I scan around the forest and spot my elf companion sitting atop a tree branch, observing the situation from afar. "Help me out here," I mouth to her silently, but she just gives me a confused shrug, pretending not to understand. I know for a fact though that Candy can lipread, so it's clear she just doesn't want to involve herself with the troublesome situation.

I let out a sigh before turning to the still sobbing centaur. "Look, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I didn't mean to, okay? If I surprised you, or scared you, or anything like that, I just want to let you know that I'm sorry."

At the sound of my words, I see the centaur abruptly freeze. After a minute, she slowly turns around and asks, "Really? You really mean that?"

I catch sight of her face, the edges of her violet eyes red from crying. When she notices me staring, she quickly wipes her face with both hands, then looks away bashfully, her eyes darting between me and the ground.

Watching the centaur's shy reaction, I feel a sudden heat course through my body, and for a split second, that initial spark I had for the centaur reignites.

Okay, maybe she's not majestic or noble. But in a way, she is kind of cute-

I barely finish my thought before I see the centaur open her mouth to speak. She turns her nose up at me, and she says, "Hmph! Don't get the wrong idea. It's not like I care if you apologize to me or anything."

"Oh, is that so?" I reply as a deadpan expression suddenly captures my face.

She might be cute, but nope! I'm not dealing with this shit! Parker out!

Without a word, I turn away from the centaur, moving towards the tree where Candy is current sitting. My face still expressionless, I gesture to her and yell, "Come on, Candy, let's go!"

Candy leaps down from the branch she's on, doing a summersault through the air before landing deftly on the ground. Then she raises her arm up in a salute and says, "Aye aye, captain!" before running to my side, and together, we begin to make our way south, back towards Lakeside Castle.

Candy and I don't get more than ten paces before I hear a voice call out from behind. It's the centaur. "W-wait! Where are you going?" she asks, a slight tone of anxiety in her voice.

"Home!" I yell in reply without turning around.

"B-but what about me?"

At this, I finally stop, pivoting back to the centaur before giving her a curious look. I see her standing in the same spot as before, about twenty feet away, and I ask, "What about you?"

"W-well," she replies hesitantly, "Where am I supposed to go?"

"None of my business," I say with a shrug, "You're free to go wherever, and do whatever, you please." Then once more, I turn and begin walking away. Just before I'm out of earshot, I throw up a wave and yell, "Cya-!"

-And good riddance too!

****

"Today was really eventful, wasn't it, Candy?"

"It was, King Ash."

"We picked up a lot of loot and experience, didn't we?"

"We did, King Ash."

"Man, I hope the loot turns out to be good."

"Indeed, King Ash."

"Candy, you want to have s.e.x right now?"

"I see, King Ash."

I let out a sigh, turning my gaze away from the forest path before me, looking to the right at my elf companion. It's clear she's not listening to me, her sharp ears pointed backwards, towards the rustling behind us. Of course, I hear it too. In the otherwise serene forest, the thomp! thomp! sound of footsteps carries through the air like mini explosions, like shattering glass in a library. Anyone with ears can pick up on it, let alone the s.e.n.s.i.t.i.v.e hearing of elves.

Unable to take it anymore, I abruptly stop and pivot around. As I do, I manage to catch sight of the female centaur, just as she dashes behind a tree for cover. While the tree may hide her face and torso, it is far too small to hide her lower extremities, causing her horse-body to jut out from behind the tree into plain view. I feel my eyebrows twitch.

This is so stupid.

I cup my hands around my mouth and yell, "Why are you following us?" I don't get a response however, and so I wait a minute before trying again, "Just come out already! We know you're there!"

Finally, after yet another minute of silence, I see some movement. The female centaur emerges from behind the tree. She crosses her arms before saying, "Like, I'm not following you! I, like, just happen to be going in the same direction!"

Really? That's the excuse she's going with? Couldn't she pick something less cliche?

I let out a sigh. "Whatever. Just come up here already. At least walk with us, so that we can make conversation, rather than having to listen to you sneak around behind us like some clumsy assassin-"

Even before I finish speaking, I see the centaur already galloping towards us. With her long strides, she quickly closes the distance, and within seconds, she is beside me. When I look over at her face, I see that she is smiling, the first time I have seen her do so, and I have to admit, she does look rather lovely with a smile on her face. Better than the constant scowl she gives me anyways. "Someone looks happy," I say off-the-cuff.

The centaur turns to me, and I see her blush, her smile quickly dropping from her face. Then with a swipe of her head, she turns her nose up at me and says, "Hmph! Don't be ridiculous, maggot. It's not like I'm happy you invited me to join your party or anything."

Party? Who said anything about joining our party? All I did was invite her to walk with us. Sigh. Whatever.

Too tired to dispute the point, I decide to change the subject instead. "Hey, what's your name anyways? I don't want to have to keep referring to you as 'the centaur'."

"Hmph! If you must know, it's Argeias."

"Argeias, I see. Well, I'm Ash. And this is my companion, Candy." Candy throws up a friendly wave, and I continue, "Now that that's out of the way and settled, shall we keep going?"

"Hmph! I will allow you to walk in my presence, if that's what you mean, maggot," Argeias replies.

"Right…," I think silently to myself. And then it hits me. The centaur's ambivalence.

Ah...she's "that kind" of girl, isn't she?