What Do You Mean I'm The King Now??

"Great, another one." I let out a sigh and toss the loot aside, adding to my growing pile of goblin toenail clippings, thinking I should have added some stat points into luck after all. I turn to my elf companion. "How are your loot crates, Candy?"

"I got a broken watch, a string of yarn, a single shoe and, oh! Look, King Ash, I got a head of lettuce." She holds up a discolored, browning vegetable for me to see. I take it in my hands, giving it a sniff.

"Not too expired. Great! Into the pot it goes!" With a flick of my wrist, I toss the entire head of lettuce into our cooking pot, which at the moment is bubbling openly over the fireplace. As I do so, I catch sight of Argeias from the corner of my eye, slowly making her way towards our location. When she arrives, I see her sit down beside Candy, folding her legs beneath herself, her face an expression of apprehension. She looks like she wants to say something to me, but can't muster the right words. So she instead just fidgets back and forth, her eyes darting between my face and the ground. After a minute or so of this, I've finally had enough, and I sigh.

"Look, Argeias-" I begin, but at the sound of my voice, the centaur abruptly lifts her head, opening her mouth to interrupt me.

"I'm sor-!" Her violet eyes are open wide, her expression earnest. "-I mean… men can't… been alone… so social… but proud race… still… talk… difficult...-" After that, her words just trail off, and her head turns back down, once more averting my gaze.

I look at her in puzzlement for a moment, having no idea what she just tried to say. But I can see the sincerity with which she spoke. She had put her heart into it, and I'm not such a callous asshole that I'd trample on a girl's honest efforts, even if she annoys me, so I just let out a faint smile. "Let's call a truce for now, Argeias. Agreed?"

The centaur looks up at me and slowly, a wide smile forms across her face. Her cheeks blush cutely, and she nods her head. "Un!" Then looking to me and Candy, she asks, "S-so what are the two of you doing?"

"We're opening loot crates from the goblins we killed earlier," I reply.

"Did you get anything good?"

I shake my head. "I was hoping to get a weapon, since my rapier broke, but it's been mostly crap so far."

"Argeias, would you like to try? Maybe you'll have better luck," Candy suggests. Argeias nods, and my elf companion hands over a small black box the size of an apple. "Hold it in your palm like this and 'will' it to open."

Argeias does as she is instructed, and, after a moment, a small puff of white smoke emerges from the loot crate. When it clears, I can see a brown, cone shaped object sitting in Argeias' hand, where the loot crate had been moments before. "What is it?" the centaur asks.

My eyes narrow on the object, and I lean in for a whiff before quickly moving back, pinching my nose in disgust. "That, Argeias, is a literal pile of shit."

"Eep!" the centaur cries out, flailing her hand about. As she does so, the cone of dung flies out of her palm, through the air, and lands directly into the open cooking pot containing our dinner with a plop! sound. The three of us then watch helplessly as the pile of shit slowly sinks into the stew, disappearing beneath the surface. "Oh no! I'm so sorry! I didn't think it would-! This is all my fault!"

"Don't worry, Argeias, it probably won't taste much different than normal," Candy says jokingly, and I let out a sheepish laugh, knowing full well that there's more than a hint of truth in her statement. Argeias, however, does not appear consoled.

She shakes her head and stands up. "No, I'll make this right. Just wait here you two. I'll be right back." Then before either of us can say another word, Argeias gallops out of the cave, into the night.

****

"You think she'll be okay?" Candy asks, "She's been gone for an hour already."

I look up from my "book" and shrug. "Aren't centaurs pretty strong or something? And besides, if Argeias runs into an enemy, she can always just talk them to death. I'm just kidding, Candy. Please don't glare at me. I'm sure she'll be fine...speak of the devil-"

Just as I finish talking, I hear the sound of hoofsteps approaching, and through the entryway of the cavern, Argeias appears. In her arms is a bundle of what seems to be various plants. She looks around the cave, then moves towards the shelf of bowls. Curious, I get up and walk over to see what she is doing. As I approach, I spot an intense look of concentration on her face, her hands moving with surprising nimbleness as she prepares the plants and berries she has gathered.

After about ten minutes, Argeias finally stops, wiping the sweat off her forehead. Then she turns to me and Candy, with two bowls in her hands, and says, "Here, try these."

Looking at what Argeias has prepared, I can see that it's a salad of some kind, made with dark leafy greens. Mixed in are various nuts and roots, with mashed berries acting as a dressing. I stare at it a moment longer, then take a mouthful with a fork. Instantly, I feel my eyes open wide with surprise. "Oh wow, this is really good, Argeias!"

I've never been a big fan of salad- I love my meats after all- but this is a big improvement over what Candy and I usually eat, so I take another bite, a delighted smile across my face.

"It really is, Argeias. Way better than what King Ash usually makes."

I give Candy a scowl, wondering if she really needed to add that last part. Then I turn my gaze to Argeias and see that she grinning like a child, clearly elated from all the compliments. When our eyes meet, I see her blush deeply, looking away.

"Don't get the wrong idea...It's not like I made it just for you or anything," she mumbles.

"But you did make it just for me," I reply, raising an eyebrow.

"I-I-," the centaur stutters, suddenly looking embarrassed. Her pale cheeks blush a rosy pink, and I just let out a hearty laugh, giving her a pat on the head, my hand touching the silky smoothness of her snow-white hair.

"Anyways, thanks for the food, Argeias. It's great. Now come on, let's go sit down, and we can all enjoy dinner together."

We move over to a flat area and begin eating, the sound of crunching from the crispy, fresh salad echoing through the small cave, and I'm chatting away with Candy when, as I glance up, I spot Argeias staring at us, a question clearly on her mind. "What?"

The sound of my voice startles the centaur momentarily. Then, looking from me to Candy, she finally says, "So, I've been wondering this for a while now, but what's the deal between you two anyways?"

"What do you mean?" Candy asks.

"Well, you don't appear to be siblings. Are you two lovers? Or a married couple perhaps?"

I nearly spit out the salad in my mouth, surprised by the centaur's sudden question.

L-lovers? M-married? Me and Candy?

Before I can reply, Candy lets out a gentle laugh, waving her hand before her face. "No, no, nothing like that, Argeias. King Ash is my king, and I'm his subject. Our relationship is one of liege and vassal. That's all."

Candy…

Before I can get in a word, however, Argeias continues. "Wait, that guy over there is actually a king?!" she says, pointing to me. Then in a much quieter voice, she mumbles, "I thought you were just calling him that as a fetish or something." She shakes her head, looking up at me, her violet eyes narrowing. "Are you really a king, Ash?"

I nod my head slowly. "That's what Candy tells me."

"What's that supposed to mean?" Argeias asks, a puzzled look across her face. Then suddenly, I see her expression change. Her violet eyes open wide with surprise. "King Ash, no, it couldn't be right?" she mumbles to herself before turning her gaze to me. "You're not King Ash, as in Ash Kesirenna, are you?" When she sees me nod, her mouth drops open. "Holy shit, does that mean the prophecy is true?!"