When We Were Perfect

There is no refuge from memory and remorse in this world.

The spirits of our foolish deeds haunt us, with or without repentance.

Previously,

Let's just say that with a bit of difficulty Amy made him understand to suck milk from there. Finally, she unclasped her bra, letting her breasts in view. Settling Ozan in her lap, she brought him forward and he latched onto it sloppily.

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Amy flinched from the sensation of pain at first but then after a while, she got comfortable as Ozan continued to suck her breast. She was happy to know that she still was able to breastfeed her child and experience it even though it was almost two years later.

Ozan hummed in response, placing his little fingers on her chest making her smile as she took the fingers in her hand and kissed them gently. She looked at him while he slept and watched as his short black hair fell on his forehead as he breathed evenly releasing her chest where some milk was still leaking.. 

Amy gently settled him on the bed, taking some tissues and cleaning herself before buttoning her bra and shirt at the same time a nurse came in.

"Do you need anything Mrs Saritas!" She asked politely, Amy felt goosebumps on her skin hearing Mrs Saritas. Yes, she was still his wife though.

Amy just shook her head in denial gazing at her son softly. The nurse nodded, attaching the IV again on his arms and hand, mindful not to wake him up. The little boy flinched with every insertion but remained asleep, Amy again felt the tears brimming her eyes.

"How long will he have to be like this?" Amy asked sadly.

The nurse looked at her sympathetically, 

"Till his stomach is cleared of the infection and his body gets healthy!" She told her.

"Don't worry Mrs Saritas, your son will be fine soon. Just pray that his stomach doesn't reject breast milk either!"

"How would I know that!" Amy asked.

"If he doesn't vomit for the next few hours, it means his stomach is digesting the milk!" The nurse said with a small smile before leaving.

Amy tucked the blanket under his arms draping it around his body. Dragging the chair near his bed, she sat there eyeing his son, pondering over her luck that Ozan accepted her and moreover called her mommy. No word ever made her feel this happy and soothing than listening to his son calling her mommy. She wanted him to call her that again and again because she would never get tired of hearing it.

She heard the door opening only to see a tired-looking Daniel walk in, their eyes met for a second before he tore his gaze to Ozan. There was such a selfless emotion in his eyes when he stared at Ozan and Amy understood now how it felt.

He gently placed a kiss on his forehead before going to sit on the couch in front of Amy, leaning his head on the headrest and closing his eyes.

He was looking worn out and beyond exhausted, now that she began to think of it, her thoughts wander in the past about how he would have managed a toddler along with his company all along. 

'The company he initially made for you!' Her mind said sarcastically.

She felt like guilt was everywhere whenever she looked at Daniel and Ozan, so much that at one point she would feel her breath slipping away but she has to move on with positive energy if she really wanted to amend her mistakes.

"Go home, I am here with him. Vahide mom must be worried for you!" Daniel spoke in a raspy tone, eyes still closed.

"No, I want to stay here with him. Besides, mom doesn't worry much about me now!" Amy said sadly, remembering how distant her mother was from her and Ozan being in this state would make her more disappointed with her.

Daniel didn't reply after that, wondering about Vahide Mom but his exhausted mind wasn't letting him think clearly. 

Amy stood from her chair and went to sit beside Daniel, making him flinch inwardly when he felt her presence near him.

"I think it's you who should go home, you like hell!" Amy muttered, fiddling with her fingers.

"When you are going through hell, it doesn't matter and I still don't trust you enough to be around Ozan!" He mumbled with a clenched jaw, head still resting.

His words itched her, what could she probably do with Ozan.

"I have not been a good person for a while in the past Daniel but this still doesn't mean I would intentionally harm my son!" Amy muttered but the only response after a few seconds was a scoff from Daniel as he crossed his arms.

"It must have been hard, taking care of him along with your business. I heard you took him to the office with you every day!" 

"If there isn't anything related to Ozan you want to ask, then I would like to rest! " Daniel responded shutting her up, this time staring at her. Not wanting to remember the bitter memories. Sometimes he couldn't believe that she was here sitting beside him, all the love and care he had for her once just got buried in his heart. Her behaviour made him feel like he didn't deserve a single bit of love from anyone and all that he deserved was hatred and pain.

Amy stared back at him, wanting to say so many things, she was sorry, she wanted to be a family again but not a single sentence came out of her mouth.

He tore his gaze away from her, the woman sitting beside him was just Ozan's mother, he didn't have any relation with her aside from that.

"What was his first word?" Amy asked out of a sudden, she didn't understand but somehow her heart was yearning to hear him talk with her like he did before, a subtle warmness and happiness that was present in his voice before was missing replaced by a cold and expressionless tone other than when he was angry.

"Daddy!" He replied but this time his lips tugged a bit upwards, recalling the time when Ozan called him Daddy for the first time. He literally cried at that, utter happiness surrounded him. He was eight months old at that time watching his cartoons when Daniel came home and the first word he greeted him with was daddy.

Amy smiled sadly, it could have been mommy but then again she should be thankful that he still called her that.

"What does he like the most?" She asked again, curiosity striking her. Daniel sighed, it would be good if she learnt about Ozan.

"He loves animals, jungle books, aeroplanes and me. His favourite activity is playing with me, having a bath with me and watching cartoons. His favourite food is nuggets and apple juice and he isn't a very social child!" Daniel stated proudly gazing lovingly at his little boy whose chest was heaving up and down in a slow rhythm.

Amy also glanced his way, she couldn't describe the emotions she saw in his otherwise cold eyes. The way he explained about Ozan, there was a lively tint present in his tone talking about him.

"He is an adorable child, an exact copy of yours. I can bet he would grow into a handsome man like you!" Amy spoke making him smile but it vanished quickly as he again rested his head on the back of the couch.

"She called you handsome!" His mind repeated her words but Daniel shrugged it off.

"Looks don't matter, Amy. Even the prettiest of people have the ugliest fate. I just hope he grows into a gentle and kind person who values all his relations!" Daniel said, dropping his eyelids with an exhale of air. Amy also leaned back on the couch at a distance from him, Was he referring to himself?

"He will Daniel because he has a father like you!" Amy whispered but it was still audible to Daniel who chose not to respond.

He felt his eyelids heavy, a burning sensation in his eyes. He knew what was happening, his brain was shutting down due to lack of sleep and he didn't protest this time, he welcomed the darkness as it slipped him into a sensation that felt like heaven, it was sleep and he drifted into it.

"Daniel, will you forgive me for all that I put you guys through?" She asked looking at her lap but didn't get a response from him, making her look dejected towards him.

"D-daniel!" She mumbled but again no response, then she saw him breathing evenly indicating that he was asleep. She sighed, shaking her head, at least he did talk to her without yelling or shouting. Amy looked at his arm that was dangling on the arm of the sofa, thinking that it might be uncomfortable for him, she gently grabbed his wrist settling it on his lap but then her gaze settled on a silver thing on his finger making her eyes sting with tears.

It was their wedding ring and he still had it on.