Hoshi wo Taguru Pt. 9

“Okay, I’m gonna change and then I’ll go buy some ingredients. It’s not nearly enough as thanks, but is there something you’d like to eat?”
“Anything is fine. And I’ll go with you,” Tokizawa offered, “The supermarket is far away.”

“Okay, thanks.”

Subaru nodded as he put on his coat followed by a haori over his coat. Without washing his face, he grabbed his wallet and left the apartment. Behind him was Tokizawa wearing a backpack. 

Since it was the middle of the day on New Year’s, there was no one walking around in the quiet residential area. It seemed like the snow had fallen while they were sleeping, as there was a fresh coating of snow on the streets. It was fun leaving footprints on fresh snow that no one had walked on yet, and before Tokizawa knew it, Subaru was quite a bit ahead of him. The snow made a crunching noise beneath their feet.

“Wow, this is my first time walking on snow that no one has stepped in yet,” Subaru said, “And there’s no one around. I’m so excited right now.”

“I’m also excited. This is fun.”

“Yeah.”

Subaru laughed and turned around and also saw Tokizawa smiling happily. Subaru was having so much fun kicking the snow around that even though Tokizawa said the supermarket was far away, it felt like they arrived in no time.

“What should I make?” Subaru asked.

“Are you really gonna make something?”

“When I was living with my ex-girlfriend, I usually made the food so I don’t think it should taste bad.”

“I wasn’t worried about that…” Tokizawa answered and shook his head. He quietly muttered, “It’s such a luxury.”

“I can’t make something as fancy as New Year’s meals though,” Subaru added on purpose as he smiled wryly. But he knew that when Tokizawa referred to the meals as a luxury, he meant it in a different way.

Tokizawa just smiled and nodded as he held the shopping basket.

“Is there anything you can’t eat?”

“I can eat anything.”

“Okay then, something that’s quick to make…” Subaru thought for a moment, “Pasta is probably best.”

While Subaru was putting the ingredients in the basket, his stomach started rumbling. Occasionally, he would ask Tokizawa what foods he liked. After they finished shopping, they headed back home.

When they got back to Tokizawa’s place with groceries in tow, Subaru noticed that the cell phone he had left behind had a little light flickering on the screen. He opened it and saw there were two missed calls from home. Subaru remembered that he hadn’t actually told his family that he was in Hokkaido. He told them he would be home yesterday so they must have been worried.

“I have to call home, can you wait a bit?”

“Okay.”

Tokizawa started to put the groceries inside the ridiculously big and empty refrigerator, while Subaru headed to the entranceway to make a call.

“Hello?” Subaru’s mom picked up after only a few rings.

“Mom? Sorry for not contacting you earlier,” Subaru began to explain, “ Um, actually, I’m in Hokkaido right now and…”

“Oh my!” Subaru’s mom suddenly interrupted. Ignoring everything else that Subaru was going to say, she kept prattling on.

“Hokkaido is so nice! Is this a heartbreak trip? This is good timing. You should go ahead and stay there longer. We’re going to be really busy here for a while, so we probably won’t have time to look after you.”

“What?” Subaru was confused.

“You see, the baby was born. And you know, Mika’s parents have already passed away, so we’re the only ones who can help her out.”

His mother’s voice sounded slightly distorted. Mika was Subaru’s brother’s wife. Mika and Subaru’s mom got along very well. Subaru heard that she was pregnant, but as far as he knew, the delivery date was still a bit away.

Almost as if his mom read his mind, she continued in a slightly hushed tone.

“It was a premature birth. We’re all a bundle of nerves. The baby was born safely but still has to be kept in an incubator. Mika also has to be hospitalized, so I’m going to be in the hospital with her. I think it should all calm down in about a month.”

“A month?”

“Yeah, so it’s actually really good timing. Why don’t you go have a change of pace?”

“I can’t afford staying in a hotel for a month though.” Subaru tried to say.

“You can come home anytime. But just know that we’re gonna be so busy that we won’t even be home really.”

Then after telling Subaru to bring back lots of souvenirs, sounding quite carefree, his mom hung up the phone leaving Subaru standing there in shock as he listened to the heartless dial tone.

“Subaru, did something happen?” Tokizawa checked in, “You were almost yelling.”

“Nothing….”

Subaru put his phone in his pocket and sighed in resignation while looking at Tokizawa’s worried face.

“My mom told me not to come home for a while.”

“What! Why?”

“My brother’s wife gave birth, but it was a premature birth, so things are gonna be really hectic for a while. So they can’t look after me.”

Subaru smiled bitterly and briskly walked to the kitchen. Tokizawa quickly caught up wearing an even more anxious face than Subaru.

“Ugh this is so annoying. I’ll think about it later. I’m hungry so let’s just eat. Sorry for making you wait.”

“It’s okay. Really…” Tokizawa tried to assure him.

Tokizawa continued to hold a bewildered expression as Subaru stood in the kitchen in the hopes of finding something to do.

“It looks like you at least have a pot. That’s good.”

Subaru took it upon himself to look through the rest of the cabinets where he found a pot and frying pan. It looked like it had not been used for many years so he decided to wash them.

“You know,” Subaru started, “My mom said that being in Hokkaido was like a heartbreak trip. That wasn’t my intention at all, but I guess it would look like that from her point of view.”

Subaru wanted to say that with a smiling face to Tokizawa, who he thought was right behind him. But Tokizawa had actually moved and was right by his side. Tokizawa took the soapy frying pan from Subaru.
“That’s not true at all,” Tokizawa reasoned. “You came to Hokkaido to see the stars. I want to tell your mom it’s not a heartbreak trip at all.” Tokizawa spoke with a serious face while washing the suds off the frying pan.

It was Subaru’s turn to laugh a little as he handed the pot to Tokizawa.

His mom’s innocently used phrase of “heartbreak trip” still had some weight to it, and Subaru did feel a bit hurt by it. However, he felt the small scar disappear just from Tokizawa’s words.

“It’s fine to leave it be. The misunderstanding.”

“But, Subaru…” Tokizawa began to say.

“It’s fine. You know the real reason after all,” Subaru said as he placed the freshly washed pot and pan on the stove.

Tokizawa looked taken aback but then firmly nodded.

“Then it’s fine…” Subaru concluded. “I’m going to turn on the stove now, so you can wait in the living room.”

“It’s fine. I’ll stay here.” Tokizawa answered in a hard tone while shaking his head. But, his face was tense, and his hands were clenched. Even though he was firmly standing on the floor too, he looked like he was shaking. It was very clear to Subaru that he was terrified. Subaru furrowed his brow.

“You don’t have to stand watch. It’ll be fine.”

“I’ll stay.”

Tokizawa once again shook his head adamantly, so Subaru decided not to push any further.

The stove was an old model, but since it had never been used, it was very clean. Subaru filled the pot with water and turned on the gas.

When the high heat started scorching the bottom of the pot, Tokizawa became a statue and stopped moving.

“Don’t push yourself. ” Subaru reminded Tokizawa.

“…okay.” Tokizawa replied quietly.

Even though he was absolutely terrified, Tokizawa would not look away from the flames. Tokizawa looked like a child who hated getting shots but stared at the needle anyways as it pierced into skin. Subaru thought that perhaps the insides of Tokizawa’s clenched hands were sweaty.

Subaru proceeded to cut the ingredients and heat them up in the frying pan. He boiled the pasta and mixed it together with the sauce. The whole time Subaru made the carbonara using the single burner, Tokizawa did not move a single step.

They served the carbonara on a plate and headed to the living room. In that time, Tokizawa looked like his job was finished. He exhaled. It looked like he had forgotten to breathe the entire time.

Tokizawa’s pallid complexion was slowly returning to normal, so Subaru also relaxed.

“Wow, you handled that so well,” Tokizawa complimented Subaru. “I didn’t see how you made the pasta but it looked like you were really comfortable.”

Tokizawa no longer looked terrified now that he was sitting in front of the carbonara.

Tokizawa gripped the fork and stared at the plate with admiration.

“It’s easy. I make it all the time. It’s really not that impressive,” Subaru replied humbly. “It’ll taste bad once it gets cold though.”

“Ah, okay.”

Subaru ate as if he was in a hurry, but Tokizawa who had just started eating, kept watching Subaru eat.. It was very clear that Tokizawa wanted to say something but just waited until Subaru would say something himself.

The pasta was actually overboiled. Maybe it was because Subaru felt distracted knowing he was being stared at from a close distance. Subaru just continued to eat. The two ate in silence.

“Um, Subaru. What are you planning on doing from now on?” Tokizawa opened his mouth as if he made up his mind. There were no traces of food left on his plate. If anything, only a little bit of sauce was left over. Subaru turned towards Tokizawa. “What do you mean?” he asked. Until Tokizawa’s question, the only thing Subaru had in mind was wanting to wash the dishes quickly.

“You can’t go back home for a month, right?” Tokizawa reminded him, starting the subject again.
“Hm, well I figured I’d book a hotel for a week and go sightseeing. And then after that, I’ll figure it out as I go along. I can take care of myself even without my mom around, so it wouldn’t be a problem if I went home either. ”

“I see…” Tokizawa nodded and looked down as if he was thinking about something.

Subaru picked up the used plates and glasses and stood up.

“Ah, I’ll clean it up.” Tokizawa spoke hurriedly.

“It’s fine. It’s thanks for letting me stay the night, plus a meal, and drinks?” 

Tokizawa rushed to stand up but recomposed himself as Subaru headed back into the kitchen. Tokizawa did not follow after him. He was in front of the table thinking about something.

By the time that Subaru put the used utensils back in the utensil box, Tokizawa peeked in.

“Um, thank you for the food and for cleaning up. And uh, I have something I want to talk to you about…”

“What is it?”

“I-If it’s okay with you,” Tokizawa offered, “ until your home situation calms down a bit, you’re free to stay here, if you want.”

So this was what Tokizawa had been pondering about. Subaru was standing by the sink and looked up to see Tokizawa’s face. Tokizawa’s gaze was shifting back and forth in an anxious manner. He refused to meet Subaru’s eyes.

“If you need a place to go back to after sightseeing… Or if you get tired of sightseeing, then you can just laze around here. It’ll be a waste of money if you stay at a hotel… And… You can stay here for free. I don’t need any money or anything.”

It wasn’t any different from staying at home. Subaru thought that if Tokizawa couldn’t cook, then he probably couldn’t do other chores too.

But still.

“I would cause you so much trouble though.” Subaru told Tokizawa.

“Not at all.” Tokizawa shook his head fiercely. His soft silk-like hair shook and brushed his cheeks. In a rather child-like way, Tokizawa, continued talking in an impatient way.

“It’s no problem at all. I mentioned it yesterday too, but if I thought it was a problem, then I wouldn’t have offered from the start. And, I want to keep talking with you. If you’re going to keep staying in Hokkaido, then I want you to stay at my place.” Tokizawa’s voice shook slightly.

This was probably the first time that Tokizawa clearly voiced his wishes out loud. Unlike the last time, he didn’t avert his eyes. Tokizawa looked straight at Subaru as he said that.

Subaru stayed silent for a while as he looked at Tokizawa who was waiting for his answer.

Subaru opened his mouth, “Did you think the meal we had earlier was delicious?”

“Huh, uh yeah. It was really delicious. You should open your own restaurant.”

Tokizawa made a bewildered face by Subaru’s change of topic before quickly nodding. Even though the pasta had been boiled for too long.

“You’re just flattering me now.”

“But it really was good.” Tokizawa insisted.

Subaru smiled and nodded.

“Thanks. If you say I don’t need to pay rent then let me do the housework,” Subaru bargained, “I’ll also help out at your bar. And just so you know, today’s pasta was a fail. I usually make it even more delicious, so while I’m here, I’m gonna make it again, just you wait.”

“Does that mean…”

Tokizawa’s long eyelashes fluttered up and down. Even though he was the one who proposed this idea, Tokizawa never expected it to come true. The disbelief was apparent in his eyes.

“I’m in your care for the month.” Subaru bowed, and Tokizawa strongly shook his head.

“If you think the chores are too much, then you don’t have to do them.”

“Okay, then I’ll pay you for letting me stay.”

“I don’t need that!”

“It makes me feel uncomfortable to have this sort of one way benefit. So which one do you prefer?”

“….Umm… okay… the housework then.” After a while of thinking about it, Tokizawa nodded with a face that was about to blush.

“Okay.”

Subaru stretched out his hand, that was still a little damp from washing the dishes, to Tokizawa. Tokizawa panicked, rubbing his hand against his jeans. Then he grasped Subaru’s outstretched hand. 

“I-I look forward to it.”

As it felt the night before, the space between their hands was slightly damp. But it was a little drier, as Tokizawa had just wiped off his palms, probably aware of the sweat. It was obviously a sign of nervousness, but at the same time, all the tension was a sign of love too.

“Me too.” Subaru declared as he shook Tokizawa’s hand up and down. Tokizawa’s grip remained strong.

Once it was decided that Subaru would stay at Tokizawa’s place, they decided to go buy a futon for Subaru to use. No matter how expensive it was, they would have to buy one. There’s just no way Subaru could keep using Tokizawa’s bed.

Subaru was perfectly fine with just a sleeping bag, but Tokizawa insisted that they buy the futon set because Subaru might catch a cold. After buying other necessities and clothes, they headed back to Tokizawa’s apartment. The model-like room, which at first appeared as if nobody lived in it, suddenly became messy and looked used and actually lived in.

 Subaru apologized for it becoming so messy, but actually Tokizawa looked pretty happy about it.

After Subaru cooked a slightly early dinner, Tokizawa looked at the clock and made a startled face.

“I have to get to the bar. It’s already time to go.”

“Okay, I’ll go too.”