The Reason I Keep Avoiding My Childhood Friend

I thought about it for a few days, but in fact, I had an answer from the moment I finished talking to Father. So, the few days when I lack energy were more like worries about how to convince Father and how to overcome it. Father, noticing my concern, asked me another question.

“Aren, if you have something you want to say, don’t hesitate to say it.”

From Father’s tone, I noticed that he was also preparing himself.

My true feelings were that I wanted to study abroad. It wasn’t just ‘I want to go’, but I made up my mind ‘I will definitely go!’. I didn’t want to give up the opportunity that came to me for a fruitful future. It was not without the anxiety about the changing environment, the uncertainty about whether I would be able to learn well even after going to the empire, and the loneliness of having to be separated from my family.

But I actually experienced a greater sense of emptiness that I didn’t know when I was a child. It was the coldness and desperation of society. Would this place really be different from my previous life? Would it be a better world? Probably not. Even in my previous life, the rich and the poor were separated by an enormous gap. Even in this world, people were born with such injustice called status in the first place. It will be harder to settle down in such a situation than it was in my previous life.

I want to have the ability. I want to develop an ability so I do not have to worry about the future. Also, in order not to have the same regrets as in my previous life, I had to learn hard when I could.

In the end, I brought out my selfishness, knowing that my father would not be able to refuse.

“Not too long ago, Mr. Hafterry asked me if I had any plans to go to the Empire together with him. For my studies.”

While I was explaining, Father could not hide his dark aura, perhaps he had guessed. Father, who had been listening quietly, only asked a short question at the end.

“Do you want to go?”

The short question seemed to be filled with all kinds of emotions from Father, so I couldn’t answer easily. I made up my mind clearly, but the tears welled up and my throat got clogged.

When I couldn’t answer, Father’s palm ran over my head and brushed it. It was infinitely softer than before. It seemed that the kindness deepened, and I felt happy. So I felt even more guilty.

“Aren, I am always on your side.”

I sobbed for the first time in a long time at Father’s sincere words. I felt sorry for Father who understood me like this, and the words that he was always on my side touched me deeply. I just nodded while crying at Father’s words, which meant he respected my decision.

We won’t be separated forever. However, I was sorry that we had to part from such a long distance.

“I’m sorry. I want to go. I’m sorry.”

Father would want to ask me a lot, but he didn’t say anything more and held me in his arms and comforted me. Even though I made a selfish decision, I held on to Father and cried.

And the next day, Father had a serious conversation with Mr. Hafterry about me studying abroad. I don’t know the specifics because the two just wanted it by themselves. However, after the conversation, seeing Father preparing various things, it seemed that he was preparing for my study abroad.

The day I left came earlier than expected because Mr. Hafterry didn’t have time. I was sorry and thankful for that, so I acted more childishly to Father. I waited for Father every night and had time to be with him. I also massaged Father’s shoulders. We share a delicious late-night snack. We dated more often than usual.

Father accepted everything with a mixture of joy and bitterness on his face. We were preparing for a farewell ten days later, not that far away.

While I was diligently preparing to study abroad, I realized belatedly that I had forgotten one thing because of an unexpected visitor.

“What’s wrong, did something happen?”

Kir waved his hand cheekily. It was a gesture to let me think. He looked so proud for visiting without an appointment. I swallowed my nagging as Kir was sitting across from me with a serious expression. Instead, I remembered the last time he listened to my story and asked.

“Are you worried about me?”