Tired Of Death

"Oh, the ugly beast of unliving discrimination rears its head once more," Percy m.o.a.n.e.d, stepping onto the deck and leaning against the wall. "Just because someone dies, all feelings stop, is that it?"

"Usually," replied the devil.

"You! You should be on my side," Percy said. "You're not alive either."

"But I don't get sick," it pointed out.

"Now you mention it," Cuthbert said. "I don't feel too good myself. Do I look pale to you?"

Dreth looked at the two zombies critically. "You may be a little greener than usual, but I put that down to rot, not seasickness."

"Daddy! I feel funny," Sprat chimed in. "And not a good funny, like when I ate that boys' brain."

The medical debate was cut short by the sound of footsteps, and Tybalt's head appeared up the steps from the lower deck. "We're being intercepted!" he reported.

"We know," said Dreth. "Blue and a couple of her friends."

"There's more?" Tybalt asked. "I only saw the one, straight ahead. Funny looking longship."

"Another?" Hooks looked through his telescope once more, as did Reginald and Dreth. 

Dreth steadied himself as he brought the new ship into view. "It doesn't look like a pirate," he said after a moment's reflection. "In fact, I think it has holes in the sail."

"And the hull," added Reginald.

"How be it afloat?" asked Hooks.

"I have a funny feeling about this," said Dreth. 

"You too?" asked Percy. He really didn't look well, which was saying something for a zombie.

Ignoring the undead, Dreth turned to Hooks. "Come about," he said. "Put Blue and her friends between us and this new ship."

"Are yer mad man?" Hooks protested. "We'll be sailing in to their teeth and against the wind! One rotten vessel be better than three!"

"Just do it," Dreth said, "or I'll cut your hand off again and throw it into the sea." He looked around. "Where's Frumble?"

"He's down below," said Tybalt. 

"Better get him up here, and Emerald too," said Dreth. "We might have to get off suddenly."

"Aye aye." Tybalt saluted and slid back down to the main deck.

"Oh, I wish I'd not eaten so many hands," g.r.o.a.n.e.d Percy, clutching his stomach. 

"What's wrong with you?" Dreth asked. "Zombies don't get sick."

"Are you going to puke?" asked the devil. "I wonder what that would look like?" He leaned forward eagerly.

"I don't want to know," said Dreth. "Go and stand near the railing." 

"We be having more problems than the sick dead," said Hooks, pointing with a newly restored finger.

The pirate sh.i.p.s, so distant but moments ago, now loomed large. Dreth could see a figure in a long coat standing near the prow of the flagship, waving a large sabre about. Behind her a group of men were busy about some kind of contraption. It wasn't long before the purpose of such was revealed, as, with a sudden movement, a wooden arm sprang upwards, catapulting a large boulder into the air.

"Incoming!" shouted Cuthbert, putting his hands on his head. 

"Aye, never fear, it'll miss," said Hooks, squinting at the missile as it sailed through the air. Sure enough it landed some distance to their rear in an explosion of spray. 

"Where's that damned wizard?" asked Dreth. "We could use some fireballs about now."

"They 'aint caught us yet," Hooks said, and shouted commands down to the crew, who scurried about to do his bidding, performing whatever tasks seamen did to make the ship work. 

The Black Skull turned sharply, sails flapping in the wind as it tacked hard to port, dodging a second, more accurate, rock fired from Blue's ship. Dreth thought he could hear shouts of rage from the enemy.

"Are we going to die?" Frumble staggered up to them. He'd stopped vomiting, but still looked green about the gills. Tybalt and Emerald followed him, Tybalt holding Emerald in his arms.

"Mage! Cast some magic," demanded Dreth. "Get us out of here, or blast those sh.i.p.s apart or something."

The vessel veered again as Hooks continued his evasive manoeuvres, making Frumble wince. "What do you think I am? Some master level wizard or something? I told you, I used most of my magic on those illusions. I need to rest before I do anything like summon wind or try to throw death about. I've never been very good at fireballs anyway. Most of the time I end up burning my own hair off. It's very embarrassing."

"We're about to be a lot more than embarrassed," snarled Dreth. "I can't fight three full ship loads of angry pirates on my own."

"Maybe we should swim for it," said Cuthbert, who was slumped on the deck. 

"I'm not going to jump overboard," said Emerald. 

"What the hell be that?" Hooks interrupted the discussion as a smashing sound reached Dreth's ears. "By me mothers left tit! Look at that!"

They looked. The trailing pirate ship was now sinking, having been cut almost clean in two. The longboat they had spotted earlier was powering away from the wreck, oars churning up white water in its wake. It had evidently smashed right through the larger craft, and was now heading directly for the second vessel, from which pirates could be seen abandoning ship with gusto. 

"Oh mummy!" m.o.a.n.e.d Cuthbert, clutching his head. 

Now Dreth felt it too. A strange unease which percolated his entire being. It did, he reflected, feel like seasickness. 

With an enormous crash, the longboat intercepted the second pirate ship. Barely slowing, it powered through, shattering it, sending wooden planks flying into the air. With an almost human m.o.a.n, the vessels' stern tilted ninety degrees and slid under, pulling floundering seamen with it. The front of the ship listed heavily to one side, but remained afloat. 

"Look! It's manned by the dead!" Reginald said. "A ghost ship! We're undone! Abandon ship!"

"This ship's also manned by the dead!" Dreth threatened, pulling out Darkblood. "And one with a bloody great big sword too. So if you think you're going swimming, think again." He waved his blade meaningfully.

"It be coming for us!" Hooks said. 

Dreth could see the longboat more clearly now. It was crewed by skeletons, rowing with cold precision. There was also one thin figure in a long dark robe standing at the stern. He felt a shiver run down his spine. Here was someone he didn't want to meet. As he watched, a large shape broke the surface next to the death boat, and a huge tentacle came smashed on to the body of the ship, making powder out of several skeleton crew. 

"Is that your Kraken?" asked Dreth, swaying as waves slapped into the hull. 

"Nay! It be Blue's beast!" the dwarf pirate answered. 

Focused as he had been on the longship, Dreth had forgotten about the other menace. Now he could see the pirate flagship, which had overshot them in the confusion, coming slowly about. Captain Crazybeard was standing on the deck, her hands held high as she directed her monster.

"We're not done for yet then!" Frumble said. "Blue's vulnerable! Get your monster to attack her ship! Hurry!" He tugged at Hooks' arm.

"Aye lad. Yer have the right of it. Her guards down and no mistake." The dwarf captain made a gesture with his good hand, facing Blue's ship.

Frumble turned to Tybalt. "Quickly! Get this bucket out of here!" he said. "Whilst they're both distracted."

Nodding, Tybalt turned around and started bellowing orders. Slowly the ship changed course, sliding neatly between both enemies.

Dreth looked left as another huge form broke the surface ahead of Blue's ship, which started to turn, trying to avoid the monster. It was too slow, and there was a splintering sound as hull met kraken. 

Simultaneously a deafening noise, like the world's largest foghorn, echoed around the sky. Dreth looked right, in time to see the first sea monster wrap its tentacles around the longboat. It was trying to pull the ship down, but something seemed to be resisting. The man, a minute figure compared to the giant sea animal, was still standing on the deck. From his arms a dark aura seemed to be emanating, and this was washing over the massive attacker, evidently causing it pain. 

Whatever it was, it wasn't enough. As the Black Skull slipped through the waves, the strange death boat finally succ.u.mbed, dragged reluctantly under the grey surface, to disappear in a tidal wave that surged outwards in an enormous ripple. The mini tsunami caught up with the Black Skull and it rose up on a wall of water, pushed forward like some highly peculiar surfboard. 

"Oh frell!" Frumble cried, falling over and rolling along until he hit the railing, where he promptly vomited.

Dreth hung onto a nearby beam as the ship rocked back and forth, at the mercy of the elements. 

"Bloody barnacles!" cried Hooks as the Skull slipped down the other side of the wave, and then up the one behind it. 

Somehow they managed to keep upright, and eventually the sea calmed. When it did so, and everyone stood up, dusted themselves off and looked about, they were alone on the water.